Dads put in time when kids need it most

A friend of mine is brilliantly raising her two children as a single mom. With one income, one parenting style and one set of arms to embrace, she is raising conscientious, thoughtful, intelligent, strong kids. So it didn't come as much of a surprise when someone recently asked her teenaged son if he missed having his dad around more often. "No," he replied thoughtfully. "My mom is a dad."

His sweet reply, full of confidence in his mother's ability to fulfill not one, but two monumental roles in his life, left me wondering what it is he might truly be missing.

Of course there are the tips on fishing and football. And there's that whole piece about fathers teaching their sons to shave, and their daughters to watch out for teenage boys. Fathers are notorious for offering driving lessons and life lectures, and for fulfilling the prophecy of "wait till your father gets home." They are admired for coaching the soccer team and taking the neighbor kids camping. They get kudos for helping their kids take risks - things most moms will gladly hand off with a smile and a prayer. Dads build cars, character and confidence. They are honored for teaching their children about faith and family, and for quietly leading them by example.

We all have our ideas about what makes a great dad - and in the end, we're all right.

But what matters most isn't the fishing trip or the construction project; it's the time spent doing those things. Time together figuring out how to repair the canoe; time together tossing a ball in the fading summer light; time together going over homework and science projects and report cards; time together at the piano recital, the dance performance and school plays; time together on the couch, in the car, on the trail.

Simply whiling away the hours may seem inconsequential, but the consequences are indeed profound. Because in the end, without our fathers around it's the connection we miss out on most. Fathers give us one more opportunity to have someone else's ideas, input and emotions in our life, one more individual to think of when we're making decisions, and to hold in our thoughts when we consider what's really important. Fathers bring their own habits and hobbies into our lives, their own limits and liabilities, their own set of arms to embrace.

We all need connections like that in life. Be they fathers or father-figures, these relationships offer us a perspective we only get through making the time to be together. Relationships that offer a lifetime (if we're lucky) of understanding, forgiving, laughing and learning.

Yes, moms can handle double the work when heading a single-parent family. Moms - single or otherwise - are resilient, abundantly capable and fiercely loving. My hats go off to them everywhere.

But we all need other touch-points in life; other connections to round out the human experience. And it's no coincidence that God gave us dads to fill the need.



Charla wishes a Happy Father's Day to everyone who fills the need. She and her husband, Tim, will be spending time together on Father's Day with their three kids somewhere in the mountains. Contact her at Belinskis@comcast.net.