Happy 60th Birthday, Mr. Barry!

It was while waitressing at a small restaurant in 1989 during a slow period of the evening that I picked up the Sunday paper and read my first Dave Barry column.

I laughed my butt off.

The title of the column was "Air Dave" and was poking fun at air travel and what Barry would do if he had his own airline.

"If you're a frequent flier, you know that the big problem with commercial aviation today is that the planes can be easily detected by Air Traffic Control, which is run by severely overstressed people sitting in gloomy rooms drinking coffee from Styrofoam cups and staring at little radar-screen dots, each one representing several hundred carefree people drinking Bloody Marys at 35,000 feet," Barry wrote.

It went on to say that his official airline spokesperson would be Sean Penn and there would be no mutant in-flight "food" served on Air Dave.

"At mealtime, the pilot will simply land - on an interstate if necessary - and take everyone to a decent restaurant."

I about spit up my soda and became an instant fan.

In 1998, I attended the Maui Writer's Conference that was held, surprisingly enough, on the island of Maui. Barry was one of the keynote speakers.

Nicholas Sparks, author of "The Notebook," and Mitch Albom of "Tuesdays with Morrie" were also speakers, so it was an interesting event.

In a welcoming cocktail party, I stood around having drinks with a bunch of other writers as we discussed what we were hoping to get out of the conference.

"I would LOVE to meet Dave Barry," I admitted. "I can't wait to hear him speak in person."

One of the guys in our group quickly disappeared.

A few minutes later, he came back with none else but Dave Barry in tow.

"This lady really wants to meet you," he said to Barry as he introduced us.

Again, I about spit up my drink.

I had my picture taken with Dave in his Hawaiian shirt, which is now pinned up on my bulletin board in my home office. Of course, both Dave and I had already consumed several cocktails so let's just say that the photo is, ummm, not very flattering of either one of us.

But still ...

Later in the conference, Dave did a book signing and I purchased his book called "Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys."

When it was my turn in line, he asked me who I was, obviously not remembering our drunken photo shoot together. I told him I wrote a humor column for a newspaper in Colorado and was a huge fan of his.

"For Heidi, my humor idol - Dave Barry" he signed my book, obviously with much sincerity.

A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail from a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists to which I belong, urging us to write a column about Dave Barry since he was turning 60 on July 3, 2007.

"I am sending this to columnists whose humor I admire," wrote John Philipp. "I thought it would be fun if a lot of us wrote our columns closest to that date in a Barry style or made fun of him or congratulated him - however you see fit. Sort of an informal roast."

I wouldn't even attempt to write a column emulating Barry's Pulitzer Prize-winning style. And I was devastated when he announced in late 2005 that he was hanging up his column-writing shoes.

But I thought about what I might say to Dave in honor of his 60th birthday.

Dave, we all read "Dave Barry Turns 40" and then "Dave Barry Turns 50." We can only hope that you come out with another catchy title like "Dave Barry Turns 60" in the near future. We assume it will include issues such as balding, bladder control, dentures, graying private parts and prune juice.

Still, of the thousands of columns he's written about boogers, exploding toilets and the worst songs ever recorded, "Air Dave" remains one of my favorites.

"Air Dave pilots will be chosen strictly on the basis of how entertaining their names sound over the public-address system ... Pilots will be encouraged to share their thoughts and feelings with the passengers via regular announcements such as 'What the heck does THIS thing do?' and 'Uh-oh.'"

The tattered, yellowed copy of the column is also tacked up on my bulletin board and probably looks a lot like Dave does now. Nevertheless, if he does consider running for President once again, I, for one, will vote for him.

Happy Birthday Mr. Barry!



<I>Heidi Rice is a Post Independent staff reporter. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her Web site at www.heidirice.com.