Sharing your life with a big screen LCD TV

“Wow, I feel like there are people we don’t personally know in the house with us,” I complained to husband-head. “And it seems like they’re right here in the living room.”
Typically, our household population is limited to us, two dogs and a cat.

“It’s the big eye,” husband-head agreed. “But it does kind of eat up the whole living room, doesn’t it?”

We were staring at husband-head’s latest electronic purchase, which was a large flat screen LCD television.

“What does ‘LCD’ mean?” I asked husband-head when he brought it home. “Does that mean we’re only going to get Mormon channels?”

Husband-head laughed and shook his head.

“That’s LDS — the church your mom belongs to,” he explained patiently.
Not to be confused with LSD…

“Hey look! The guy’s head on the TV is as big as yours standing here,” I pointed out to husband-head. “And I can see the hair growing out of the mole on that woman’s face! That’s kind of creepy.”

“That’s because it’s HDTV,” husband-head explained proudly. “Not to be confused with EDTV, plasma or DLP.”

What’s with all the acronyms? It sounds like a bunch of government agencies or when I’m writing something about the oil and gas industry.

But if you look the subject up, there’s LCD, DLP, HD, HDTV, EDTV, TFT and CRT, to name a few.

“What the hell does ‘LCD’ mean?” I asked husband-head.

“Liquid Crystal Display,” he answered, as if everyone should know that.

“I remember as a kid when life was simple and all we had was black and white television and had to turn a dial to switch to the three channels that were available,” I sighed.

Husband-head looked at me as if I should be an exhibit in the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

“Perhaps I didn’t ask when we were dating or after we got married … but exactly how old ARE you?” he said, trying not to be rude, but wanting to know the truth.

I wasn’t sure if I should tell him that in the 1970s our main focus was disco music, roller skating and fondue.

“You do know what LCD really stands for, don’t you?” husband-head asked when he saw the confused look on my face and tried to explain the new TV to me. “It means ‘Logging Couch Days.”

And this was clearly his intention with his new toy.

“It’s sucking me in!” he screamed with delight as he got cozy in the couch to watch his new electronic monster. “I am totally mesmerized. I may never leave this spot ever again in my whole life!”

I’m not sure exactly why I allowed husband-head to go shopping on his own because the last time I sent him to purchase socks and underwear, he came home with a little black sports car.

But husband-head tried to justify his purchase by pointing out that he had just given me a new diamond ring.

“You’ve got your diamonds and I’ve got my liquid crystal display,” he said with satisfaction as he grabbed the remote control.

Still, I was having a bit of a problem with the big ol’ TV.

“Honey, we now have five televisions between the house and your playhouse,” I pointed out. “Don’t you think that’s a little much?”

Husband-head looked at me as if I’d questioned the existence of green beans.
“Actually, I was thinking of putting another one in the downstairs bathroom,” he admitted honestly.

That was where I was going to put my foot down as I’ve always been proud of the fact that husband-head has never been a newspaper/magazine-stay-in-the-bathroom-and-make-a-huge-production-of-it kind of guy.

But a Green Bay Packers game on the TV in the bathroom might change all that.

And football was another concern of mine.

“So … like the Packers will be larger than life in the living room on this TV?” I questioned husband-head.

Husband-head answered by simply clapping his hands enthusiastically.

We’ll see how he likes the larger-than-life chick flicks on TV.

Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her website at www.heidirice.com.