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ENLARGE
April E. Clark
Walking into the kitchen, cradling a glass of red wine in my right hand, I declared, “I think I’m having ‘Dancing With the Stars’ withdrawals.”
Russ jokingly mocked me, using a pretend voice for my dog Jake.
“Ahh, she’s having withdrawals,” Jake/ Russ said, with a gruff interpretation.
Woof woof.
I am feeling despondent. Needy. I seek distractions so I don’t think about it. All I want to do is watch ballroom dancing.
There are worse addictions. My constant craving for Coca-Cola comes to mind.
I’m not sure how I became such a “Dancing With the Stars” junkie. I’ve watched other seasons and enjoyed them. But never have I waited for each episode like a teenage girl pines for a boy to ask her on a date to the high school dance.
I may need therapy.
Maybe it was the addition of Playboy Bunny Holly Madison and the jilted Melissa Rycroft from “The Bachelor,” called in at the last minute to fill in for injured stars. Could be Steve-O, who would go from “Jackass” movie star to ballroom dancer, enduring obvious pain-filled injuries while continuing to stay sober. And don’t forget Belinda Carlisle, front woman for the Go-Go’s, my all-time favorite girl band.
I really thought she had the beat.
Secretly, I think I became so enamored with DWTS because I wish I could dance like that. I took ballet for a year when I was 6, was bored and frustrated so I took up tap instead. I mostly remember shuffle ball changes and kick hop steps. And that time I was the scarecrow in our little dance class’s version of “The Wizard of Oz.” With brown hair and pigtails, I figured I had the Dorothy look down, but apparently I wasn’t good enough for the lead. That role went to a little blonde girl named Brandy. I wanted so bad to wear the blue-and-white gingham dress and click the heels of my sparkly red shoes together.
Instead I was stuffed with hay and sent on my way.
My mom did work her magic on the costume, though. Even scarecrows can wear sequins.
And little tap shoes.
Of course the costumes are part of the appeal of DWTS for me. I have a penchant for costume parties and dressing up as someone I’m not. Throw in some sequins, feathers and glitter and I’m in role-play heaven.
I wonder if I were a Vegas showgirl in another life.
What I enjoy most about DWTS is watching the stars transform physically into dancers. Practicing eight hours a day produced some amazing results for many of this season’s female stars, including Melissa Rycroft and Lil’ Kim. The toning of muscles and dropping of dress sizes is wonderful motivation to hit the dance floor. I can see myself lindy hopping into a teeny weenie bikini or mamboing into a strapless summer dress. Sounds like a good workout and a lot of fun.
That’s what dancing should be all about, right?
I’m so DWTS crazy, I’m even thinking of signing up for ballroom dancing classes this summer. Now that the DWTS season is over, I’ll need something to occupy my Monday and Tuesday nights. Think Dancing With the Stars, without the stars. Or judges. That totally works for me since I might have two left feet.
That was fine when I was the scarecrow.
Maybe next season’s DWTS could feature a special guest contestant who’s not really a star, just a random everyday person like me. Then, when former DWTS contestant and comedian Jeffrey Ross roasts the cast again, he could really give the audience a reason to laugh.
I’d be the butt of your jokes any day, Jeffrey Ross.
If I hadn’t already convinced myself how much I need dancing in my life, I’ve had some signs that sealed the deal. I just learned that DWTS is now following me on Twitter. That’s probably because I can’t stop talking about it. And, after a dinner of Asian cuisine take-out the other night, I opened a fortune cookie. To my delight the fortune inside read, “While you’re carrying a grudge, others are out dancing.”
“See, I was meant to dance,” I told Russ. “It’s fate.”
Jake agreed.
“Grudges are so heavy to carry,” he barked.
I’d rather be light on my feet than have a heavy heart anyway.
Let’s dance.
April E. Clark loves the Indy 500 almost as much DWTS and was happy to see dancing champ Helio Castroneves win his third race. Danica, you’ve got to be next. She (April) can be reached at aclark@postindependent.com.
Russ jokingly mocked me, using a pretend voice for my dog Jake.
“Ahh, she’s having withdrawals,” Jake/ Russ said, with a gruff interpretation.
Woof woof.
I am feeling despondent. Needy. I seek distractions so I don’t think about it. All I want to do is watch ballroom dancing.
There are worse addictions. My constant craving for Coca-Cola comes to mind.
I’m not sure how I became such a “Dancing With the Stars” junkie. I’ve watched other seasons and enjoyed them. But never have I waited for each episode like a teenage girl pines for a boy to ask her on a date to the high school dance.
I may need therapy.
Maybe it was the addition of Playboy Bunny Holly Madison and the jilted Melissa Rycroft from “The Bachelor,” called in at the last minute to fill in for injured stars. Could be Steve-O, who would go from “Jackass” movie star to ballroom dancer, enduring obvious pain-filled injuries while continuing to stay sober. And don’t forget Belinda Carlisle, front woman for the Go-Go’s, my all-time favorite girl band.
I really thought she had the beat.
Secretly, I think I became so enamored with DWTS because I wish I could dance like that. I took ballet for a year when I was 6, was bored and frustrated so I took up tap instead. I mostly remember shuffle ball changes and kick hop steps. And that time I was the scarecrow in our little dance class’s version of “The Wizard of Oz.” With brown hair and pigtails, I figured I had the Dorothy look down, but apparently I wasn’t good enough for the lead. That role went to a little blonde girl named Brandy. I wanted so bad to wear the blue-and-white gingham dress and click the heels of my sparkly red shoes together.
Instead I was stuffed with hay and sent on my way.
My mom did work her magic on the costume, though. Even scarecrows can wear sequins.
And little tap shoes.
Of course the costumes are part of the appeal of DWTS for me. I have a penchant for costume parties and dressing up as someone I’m not. Throw in some sequins, feathers and glitter and I’m in role-play heaven.
I wonder if I were a Vegas showgirl in another life.
What I enjoy most about DWTS is watching the stars transform physically into dancers. Practicing eight hours a day produced some amazing results for many of this season’s female stars, including Melissa Rycroft and Lil’ Kim. The toning of muscles and dropping of dress sizes is wonderful motivation to hit the dance floor. I can see myself lindy hopping into a teeny weenie bikini or mamboing into a strapless summer dress. Sounds like a good workout and a lot of fun.
That’s what dancing should be all about, right?
I’m so DWTS crazy, I’m even thinking of signing up for ballroom dancing classes this summer. Now that the DWTS season is over, I’ll need something to occupy my Monday and Tuesday nights. Think Dancing With the Stars, without the stars. Or judges. That totally works for me since I might have two left feet.
That was fine when I was the scarecrow.
Maybe next season’s DWTS could feature a special guest contestant who’s not really a star, just a random everyday person like me. Then, when former DWTS contestant and comedian Jeffrey Ross roasts the cast again, he could really give the audience a reason to laugh.
I’d be the butt of your jokes any day, Jeffrey Ross.
If I hadn’t already convinced myself how much I need dancing in my life, I’ve had some signs that sealed the deal. I just learned that DWTS is now following me on Twitter. That’s probably because I can’t stop talking about it. And, after a dinner of Asian cuisine take-out the other night, I opened a fortune cookie. To my delight the fortune inside read, “While you’re carrying a grudge, others are out dancing.”
“See, I was meant to dance,” I told Russ. “It’s fate.”
Jake agreed.
“Grudges are so heavy to carry,” he barked.
I’d rather be light on my feet than have a heavy heart anyway.
Let’s dance.
April E. Clark loves the Indy 500 almost as much DWTS and was happy to see dancing champ Helio Castroneves win his third race. Danica, you’ve got to be next. She (April) can be reached at aclark@postindependent.com.
