Catherine Fenske, Ph.D.

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November 29, 2012
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FENSKE: Practice 'minding your own business'

"The power behind taking responsibility for your actions lies in putting an end to negative thought patterns. You no longer dwell on what went wrong or focus on whom you are going to blame. You don't waste time building roadblocks to your success. Instead, you are set free and can now focus on succeeding." - Lorii Myers

Do you ever feel like you have to "fix" someone? Do you love to offer advice to others or do others often come to you for help fixing their problems? If you're like most of us, you probably answered "yes" to these questions.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to help others, especially if they come to you for help. The problem starts when you think you can solve another person's problem. The truth can't. You can only solve your own. Each of us inherently has the answers within us to "fix" whatever may be an issue for us. No matter what advice you may give to someone else, it is always coming from your own experience, not theirs. Therefore, you don't have the answers for someone else's questions.

Now, if you are trained and educated to coach or counsel another, that is different because you then know how to guide people to their own answers to heal themselves. But as a friend, partner, boss, parent or spouse, the best you can do is allow the other person the courage it takes for personal responsibility in finding their own answers. Give them the space and support needed to feel the pain, to clean up the mess they created, to rectify their errors, to look for the lesson, to keep moving forward out of their stuckness in a way that honors them. That is the best possible way to serve them.

A couple of my teachers and mentors teach the principle of "minding your own business." It may sound rather cold and ruthless to some perhaps. But it really is the mother of all lessons in personal responsibility. If we are to step out of being victims in this life and instead step into being the creators of our own experiences, we have to take on our own responsibility for everything that happens to us. We cannot ask others to fix what is wrong; we have to learn how to respond to our experiences differently. We have to shift our perspective on what is real and important to us and move forward from that vantage point.

If you ask someone to fix something wrong in your life, you are totally giving away your own personal power. If you blame others for something that you perceive they did wrong you are doing the same. And if you are trying to fix another's problem, you are in actuality taking away their personal power.

Always remember, no matter what is going on in your life, it is your responsibility to choose how to respond. Actively participate in all of your life. If you are minding your own business, you will have the time and energy for the self-inquiry needed to find your answers. The benefits are many: You will begin to feel empowered, you will trust yourself more and more, you will expand into your wholeness. By encouraging others to mind their own business, you will be serving them by directing them toward self-inquiry and thus reaping the same benefits for themselves.

If you feel you need a guide or mentor who can teach you the tools needed for this process, who will empower you on your journey, by all means find a good coach or counselor. If someone comes to you for advice or help, do them the favor of suggesting a coach or counselor. Other than that, encourage them to spend the time asking their inner knowing for help and answers.

One of my ongoing goals is to continue practicing my own personal responsibility and actively creating my own experience. It is a liberating process that has carried me along on my journey for a while now. It is always amazing to me how we all "know" what is best for us if we just allow, trust and listen.

If this resonates with you at all, my coach's request is that you consider practicing "minding your own business" as one of your goals for this week, this month, and the next year. Have fun as you do it and walk lightly on your path!

Catherine Fenske, Ph.D. (c), is the owner of Live With Intention Coaching. She is a certified life coach and spiritual counselor. She is also a Reiki Master/teacher. Catherine can be reached at 505-795-7779 or at Go to or visit her blog at to learn more about her.

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The Post Independent Updated Nov 29, 2012 12:48PM Published Nov 29, 2012 12:47PM Copyright 2012 The Post Independent. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.