April E. Clark
April in Glenwood

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January 2, 2014
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Great expectations for the new year

For the new year, I resolve to be an overachiever in 2014.

Hopefully I won’t be one of the 92 percent that, according to the Journal of Clinical Psychology, experience epic failure at such an intention. The 8 percent of resolution keepers must have something I don’t.

I’m going to guess self-control.

I don’t know the exact science behind why most people don’t succeed at their new year’s resolutions. Maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves for perfection by society’s standards. Many times we pick goals that are likely unachievable, especially in a short time span. Say a year. The solution is to make resolutions that are like taking small bites of food instead of stuffing our mouths with too much to chew.

That’s a reminder to slow down with the deviled eggs.

In past years, I’ve made resolutions that involved traveling, getting in shape and trying new things in life. I still aspire to all of the above, but I figure I might as well be serious about what I plan to achieve in 2014.

I figure I should start overachieving before I at least hit mid-life.

For example, I would like to go to Europe. That would be a feat in itself considering I have the bank account of a college student. But I have 12 months to get there and don’t fear hostels. So a European vacation seems somehow possible and not completely out of reach.

I also may give “The Price is Right” a whirl.

Of course to win a trip to Europe on “The Price is Right” I will need to buy tickets. And somehow make it by plane, train or automobile to Hollywood. Then, once seated in the audience in my homemade “Price is Right” T-shirt, I will need my name to be called to “come on down.”

I will wildly scream and lose my composure on national TV.

After that, I will need to overachieve the heck out of my spot on Contestant’s Row by placing the right bid on a digital camera or set of bakeware. Then, I have to win Plinko or that game with the little yodeling guy who climbs up the mountain to win a new Vespa. This will land me a spot to spin the big wheel for a chance to be one of the two final contestants in the Showcase Showdown, which I can only hope includes a trip to Europe.

I consider that overachieving at its best.

Or, somehow I could find myself in the financial position to purchase tickets for the airfare or cruise ship boarding pass. The other option would be to find a website or magazine that might be interested in my travel writing skills to document my first experience in Europe. These are all possibilities in the realm of overachievement in new year’s resolutions. And I completely believe one of the scenarios will and can happen.

“The Price is Right” it is.

Since I’m on an overachieving life path, I’ve also decided I might become an overnight Internet sensation by teaching my grandpa’s green parrot Icky how to become my movie review cohort. We will be like Siskel and Ebert. Except one of us will be a female and the other will be a talking bird. Icky will give one talon up or down, while I will remain undecided on whether or not I liked the movies because I have small thumbs, which means I am indecisive.

Ambiguous small thumbs will be my shtick.

Using the video capabilities of my smart phone and a makeshift camera tripod, we will shoot the short, three-minute videos featuring my sarcastic quips and Icky’s clever use of his taglines such as “Tickle tickle,” “Hey big boy” and “I like that.”

We will be a viral hit and everyone will wait patiently each week for “April and Icky at the Movies.” The bonus is that this new year’s resolution — based on overachieving expectations — will extend well beyond 2014 since Icky is only 25.

That’s considered quite young in bird years.

In 2014, our first year of film reviewing will take flight and lead us into YouTube video segment history. As far as I know, I don’t think there’s ever been a human-bird movie critic pairing, especially one with a female movie reviewer. Call me an overachiever, but our work in the film arts will be groundbreaking. Maybe we’ll even make special appearances at the Sundance Film Festival or present at the Oscars.

Perhaps we’ll be huge in Europe.

— April E. Clark resolves to not take life seriously in 2014. She can be reached at aprilelizabethclark@gmail.com.


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The Post Independent Updated Jan 2, 2014 07:24PM Published Jan 2, 2014 07:24PM Copyright 2014 The Post Independent. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.