Classifieds double as entertainment section
January 23, 2008
I really enjoy perusing the classified section.
So much to see. From jobs to cars to kittens to snow shovels ” it has a little of everything.
Since there’s an evil little Glenwood Springs man who’s working hard to try and get me fired from the Post Independent, I thought I better get ahead of the curve and check out the help wanted ads.
You know, just in case. This guy, who likes to pass himself off as a benevolent, caring gent in public, has put me at the top of his hit list.
So it’s on to the help wanted ads to see what’s available.
Hmmm, nothing in the rocket science field. I’ve always loved the word beaker, but I’m really not qualified to use one anyway.
The classifieds really offer a potpourri of entertainment and information.
Hey, there’s a Hummer for sale. I’ve never understood the appeal of a gas-guzzling, tank-like vehicle.
Lots of tire chains, refrigerators, dryers, stoves, a jar opener ” the appeal of such a device grows with every birthday I have.
Down to the clothing department: wedding dress, white, size 10; wedding dress, white, size 6. It would have been great if the phone number was the same. That would be a story.
A $5 radio alarm clock. No thanks.
Construction equipment/material category: Aussiefloors.com, stunning. I don’t think of floors when I think of Aussie and stunning.
Ladders, generators and a pancake compressor. Now those must be really fluffy flapjacks.
Persian rugs, green sofas, free futon, antique chairs, bamboo dining set ” quite the selection in the furniture section.
I love the miscellaneous category, and topping the list is a 10-point elk mount.
Whoever buys this and puts it on their wall would have to be a bit smarmy, I must say.
I could see this buyer making up an elaborate story about the amazing hunt and how he brought the beast down with a single shot from 330 yards away in a driving snowstorm.
For most people, the thrill of the hunt isn’t about trying to find a checkbook.
Hey, there’s Jackson and Edgar, a handsome dog and cat. Jackson is a black Lab-great Dane mix. Big and happy, no doubt.
Edgar also has a pair of sisters named Agatha and Christie. No mystery here ” they need a good home.
Back to the miscellaneous ” a pocket Taser for personal protection. For you prospective buyers who are male, make sure it’s out of your pocket before hitting the trigger.
Labradoodles? Sounds like what a mad scientist does when he’s bored.
I find the bicycle/moped category to be a strange combination.
On to the cars. But I really can’t be looking at cars ” I might be unemployed soon.
The lost section: This is bad news. A man lost his 14K gold wedding band. Good luck.
The found section: Four dogs and three cats. I always hope lost pets find their way home.
Support groups ” Problems with depression? Stay tuned, we’ll see.
For a real depressing time, check out the real estate stuff.
Great starter home ” $509,000. Start to what, the road to bankruptcy?
I’m going to have to give the exclamation point police a call! Home for sale ” $499,600 ” followed by 11 exclamation points. There are few things in life that even warrant three exclamation points, so that’s really 11 too many.
Service directory! (Yes, this too is an overuse of the exclamation point). I may have found what I’m looking for ” psychic.
What do you see in my future? Should I be worried if she gives me my money back, hugs me and just walks away shaking her head?
Back to the help wanted.
I’ll never forget the motto from my Boy Scout days ” “Be Prepared!”
You never know what the future holds and what’s next on the conveyor belt of life.
Whatever happens, there’s always the classified section.
I wonder how that 10-point elk mount would look in my office?
Dale Shrull is managing editor of the Post Independent. For now.