This is only a test
April 1, 2014
I remember the days before the Internet, when I could complete daily tasks without wondering what classic rock band, spirit animal or superhero I am.
These Facebook quizzes have cost me hundreds of productive minutes in distractions.
Taking random social quizzes shared on Facebook can be fodder for jokes. Or, in this case, a column topic. I have many ways to rationalize why I might click a link to discover what awkward moment I am. It's obviously crucial I find out that if I were a classic rock band, I'd be The Jimi Hendrix Experience.
I can't necessarily play the guitar, but I feel fairly experienced in life.
According to the quiz — which includes choosing a particular musical instrument, traffic sign and photo of Keanu Reeves — I'm most like the world-famous master of the electric guitar and wah-wah pedal. The quizsocial.com test concluded that I am like The Jimi Hendrix Experience in that there's no one else like me.
Speaking for my DNA, we totally agree.
The quiz results also said I'm a special, extremely unique person who is brave and a great leader, when I put my mind to it. I was the co-captain of the mat maids in high school, so I think there's some truth to that. The conclusion nailed it by saying while some people think I'm a little wild, I should ignore them because "the rest of us see how amazing you really are." The "rest of us" obviously haven't tried to get me out of bed.
Late to bed, late to rise doesn't sound as admirable.
I've also learned from the Internet if I truly belonged in one state, it's Minnesota. Interestingly enough, I've never even been there. But Minnesota and I were digitally paired up, so I take it as a sign.
Mostly because I believe everything I read on the Internet.
I think the reason Minnesota and I are long-lost compadres had something to do with me being nice to strangers and my ability to whip up a hot dish in my sleep.
I wholeheartedly understand the power of the tater tot.
Secretly, I had hoped Colorado would pop up, or at least a state with the Colorado River running through it. Maybe a state bordering an ocean.
I could really use some saltwater and sand between my toes.
I'm not sure about the algorithm behind this quiz, but the questions included choosing a photo of a baby, a negative adjective that applies to me and my party anthem.
Disappointingly, "Pour Some Sugar On Me" wasn't a choice.
I'm surprised how long I've been able to get by without knowing this, but I finally broke down to find out what awkward moment I am. Practically everything I do is awkward on some level, except for maybe playing tennis, so I was intrigued. Choosing my favorite nerd, laugh type — chortle best describes it — and a description of my last date, which is as sad as "ended in tears" sounds, revealed my biggest fear. I am the "When no one gets your joke" awkward moment.
I guess the joke's on me.
I'm thinking I should've taken the "Which March Madness team should I pick to win your bracket" quiz before I chose Michigan State to win the NCAA championship. I might go ahead and find out "What future technology will you wish you never lived without."
So I can finally start building my underground bunker to prepare for the zombie apocalypse.
I think I was most surprised to find out which superhero I am. That's mostly because I always believed it was Wonder Woman. No matter how much evil she has to fight off, Wonder Woman always has fabulous hair. Always.
And who wouldn't want a golden lasso and those amazing red boots?
To my surprise, it turns out I'm Marvel Comics hero Iron Man. He wears a suit of armor with super powers to protect the world from evil. I have been known to wear a power suit to job interviews and a fantastic pair of gold power slacks for presentations. So maybe there's some truth to this. According to the quiz results, I am Iron Man because I "work hard, play hard and love hard."
My DNA doesn't allow me to love soft.
Being Iron Man isn't always easy, as we've seen from Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of the billionaire by day/superhero by night in his recent movies. He kind of makes it look easy, though. Iron Man does have enemies all over the place. So the quiz results warn that Iron Man always has to recharge his batteries. Even Iron Man needs to take a break. I have no problem with that idea.
Too bad the state I belong in isn't Hawaii.
— April E. Clark wonders which old-school rap song she would be since it's her favorite genre of music. She hopes it's "Supersonic" by J.J. Fad. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.