Doling out my digits on the Internet |

Doling out my digits on the Internet

A few weeks ago, my measurements were posted on the Internet.

Completely intentional.

This tidbit of personal information is all part of being an actor/model, which I’ve officially declared myself in 2015, in the uber-transparent Digital Age. At the end of last year, I signed with a Midwest talent agency with the sole intention of filling in on “Chicago Fire” as an extra. Possibly as an unconscious woman being saved from a dangerous situation like an arson fire or helicopter crash. Maybe as one of the partygoers on any given night at Molly’s Bar. Likely because I really want to meet Taylor Kinney.

Then, subsequently, Lady Gaga.

Of course, there are other roles outside of “Chicago Fire” extra I hope to land in my comedy career pursuits. I consider it a natural extension to stand-up and writing, making funny quips in a commercial pushing fiber bars and bladder control meds. Or SUVs with hatchbacks that automatically raise when a foot is lightly brushed underneath it. I would definitely have a kid on the hip while clumsily grasping a bag of groceries in that scenario.

I think I could pull it off.

At 42, I feel like I can generate many looks for TV and print that maybe would not have come in my youth. Like the chocolate-crazed corporate executive who can’t wait for her lunch break to eat a bowl of vitamin-fortified cereal. The sneezing, sleep-deprived flu victim with bedhead and a red nose. And the hair-flipping, tablet-reading love interest in a midlife online dating website.

I’ve nailed the fake swiping motion.

It sounds like a blast saying funny things on commercials or TV shows. I also have an inflated sense of confidence I might be able to look funny in print ads — which is not easy, my friends. I’ve been practicing funny faces in the mirror each morning to test my comedic range. I’ll let everyone know if it’s true my face can become stuck like that.

There are aspects of pursuing the entertainment business that will require some adjustments — for example, being OK with posting my measurements on my online actor composite for all to see. I know this is vital info when being booked for gigs involving the fashion industry that facilitate wardrobe requirements. That’s understandable, for design-sake and when establishing brand or a certain look. I’m certainly no size 2.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Jerry Seinfeld would say.

Despite that critical inner voice — I have a few in there — that hates putting on skinny jeans, I’m proud of my digits. They’re as natural as they can be these days. I’m well aware that going for a run and consuming less sugar might get me closer to the once-perfect measurements of 36-24-36. Desiring perfection always seems to blow up in my face, though. And that’s not the greatest for me on the inside, even if it might look good on the outside.

One goal at a time.

I’m also not the average height for an adult female in the U.S., according to the National Center for Health Statistics, which is 5 feet 3.8 inches. Coming in at a spunky 5 foot 5 inches, I probably won’t be landing much work on the runway. Unless it’s in the spirit of the Carbondale Council on Arts and Humanities’ Green is the New Black fashion show, which I’ve modeled in a few times. That annual show embraces models of all shapes and sizes. I’m grateful for the experience of walking a runway feeling as fabulous as Cindy Crawford.

What if all fashion shows were so accepting?

I’m all for women, and men, being comfortable in their own bodies. That can take some time and maturity, which comes only with age. I truly hope that for all women, especially girls coming of age in the Digital Age.

It’s scary out there.

Posting a link to my talent agency profile on my Facebook page, complete with my measurements, was a step in the self-promotion process that temporarily made me question my sanity. That had me thinking, so I asked my Facebook friends to post theirs. The commentary ranged from hat and shoe size, American, to measurements unsuitable for this community newspaper. Many comments made me chuckle.

Other commentary came in hot with true-to-life body measurements, and for that I offer my praise and applause. That’s not always easy, to take an honest look at oneself on the outside. And the inside. If we don’t like what we see, we can try and change that. If we do, we can continue on the path of self-acceptance. Some may even aspire to be actors and models. The power is within us all.

No matter our measurements.

April E. Clark could really use some jazzercise in her life. She can be reached at

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