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10,000 strippers can’t be wrong

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice
ALL |

“Honey, do you think I’d be a good stripper?” I asked Husband-Head the other night as I practiced some sexy moves in front of the mirror.

I think Husband-Head practically bit his bottom lip off trying not to laugh.

“Sure,” he agreed. “I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want to see middle-aged women take off their clothes.”



Then he broke down and chuckled at the idea.

“Well, for your information, I was thinking of going to Dallas,” I huffed indignantly. “I need a job, and they’re reportedly hiring 10,000 strippers for the Super Bowl weekend.”



Now Husband-Head began to belly-laugh.

“I heard that as well, but I think they’re actually looking for professional, 20-something-year-old dancers,” he pointed out. “No offense, but …”

But WHAT?

In the last week, the story has been all over the news and journalists everywhere are having a hoot with it.

According to the reports, there are about 60 … ummm … I believe they’re calling them “gentlemen’s clubs” … in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and apparently they believe that people are more interested in seeing naked women than the Super Bowl.

Personally, I thought the Super Bowl already HAD half-naked women on the field, except that they were called “cheerleaders” not “strippers.”

“Not the Packers,” Husband-Head said proudly, puffing up his chest. “We don’t need naked chicks to win a game. And why would you want to watch that during the Super Bowl, anyway? You can go to a strip joint anytime!”

You’d best not be going to a strip joint “anytime,” mister. …

And 10,000 of ’em? Since when did strippers become such an integral part of the biggest game in football?

Perhaps Janet Jackson set a precedent?

Reports say that the Super Bowl is expected to draw about 300,000 visitors in Dallas for the weekend. If my math is correct, that’s about one stripper for every 30 people.

And, keep in mind, many of these folks will be women and children. …

But the call for people who like to get naked is a blessing for some. Think of all the unemployed workers who have no future job prospects in site and are currently living on unemployment insurance.

“Did you look for a job this week?” the computerized CUBLINE unemployment dude will ask, when you file over the phone.

Yes – in Dallas – along with 9,999 other naked people and probably more.

“Did anyone pay you any wages? You must report any earnings you received.”

“Yes, I received several hundred dollars in my thong panties.”

But maybe a mass hiring of hot, naked chicks is not such a bad thing. By creating 10,000 jobs, perhaps it will help the economy. And we can then watch as the unemployment statistics go down and the divorce rates soar. …

I had to wonder, how does one even GET a job as a stripper, anyway? Are there credentials involved? Licenses needed? Training? Because let’s face it, folks – everybody strips at some point during the day or night – whether you’re taking a morning shower or putting on PJ’s to go to bed. How tough can it really be?

“Ummm … I think there’s a little more to it than just ripping of your clothes,” Husband-Head speculated when I posed the question to him. “Let’s just say I don’t think the professionals yell out ‘STOP LOOKING AT ME!’ like you do when you’re disrobing.”

Yeah well, maybe I wouldn’t say that, either, if you were stuffing money in my undies. …

“Does it matter if the strippers are Packers or Steelers fans?” I wondered out loud. “I mean, does that decide if you want one stripper or the other? And how would you know what kind of fan they were, anyway?”

Husband-Head rolled his eyes.

“Duh. Obviously the Packer fan strippers wear green or gold thong underwear with sexy cheese wedge hats and the Steeler strippers wear hard hats and dress like steel mill workers,” Husband-Head explained.

I see … it all makes sense to me now.

But this weekend at our home, everyone will keep their clothes on (at least I hope so) during the game and cheer on their teams. Which translates to the fact that if you are not a Packers fan, you will stand outside in the frigid temperatures.

And as a responsible Packer fanatic, Husband-Head has taken the day off on Monday following the game to nurse … God knows what.

And if his team wins, I will honor him with a Packer tie … with a stripper sewn on the inside. …

Heidi Rice is a columnist for the Citizen Telegram and the Post Independent. Her column runs every Thursday in the CT and Friday in the PI. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com to see more columns or purchase her book collection. Contact Heidi at http://www.heidirice.com.


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