Beaches, beer, babes . it’s spring break!
As you read this – in fact, while you are SLEEPING – something very scary is happening here in the United States. Something that should make every law-abiding citizen very, very nervous.
As America fights its war on international terrorism, internally there is another type of domestic terror about to unfold – we are talking here about … spring break.
While you are engaging in some routine daily activity, such as brushing your teeth (at least we HOPE it’s a routine daily activity), hundreds of thousands of young college students around the country are busy plotting where they will descend between March and mid-April for a few weeks of destruction and debauchery. The goal of the majority of these spring break-goers is to party hard and generally destroy the very brain cells their parents are paying so dearly to educate.
“I just don’t understand the whole concept of spring break,” I informed husband-head as we read the Sunday paper in bed.
I pointed to an article in the travel section which was advertising big discounts trying to lure students to their destinations.
The ads promised gorgeous beaches, babes and bars.
“College IS a vacation,” I continued. “Why do they need a spring break? Wait until they get into the REAL world and have to work every day and pay bills! Then they’ll realize the party’s over and how easy they’ve had it. .”
Husband-head nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, and wait until they get MARRIED,” he added, knowingly. “Then the party is REALLY over. .”
I responded by punching him in the arm.
But spring break is a long-standing tradition among college students – the majority of whom are attracted to warm weather locations. It is also a tradition during this time that residents of these hot spots typically flee to places such as Minnesota. .
Some of the more popular destinations include South Padre Island, in Texas, which boasts the motto of “Let’s Padre!” As if these kids need any encouragement. .
Panama City, Fla., is another popular resort, with 600,000 students visiting last year. Yes, we said SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND.
This is not a good time to, say, be in the law enforcement profession in these communities. .
Cancun, Mexico, is also a favorite during spring break as is, of course, the long-standing Daytona Beach.
Besides the motto “Party till you puke,” the goal of a successful spring break vacation is also not to get “busted” – an activity which provides the opportunity to sightsee at a local county jail and call your parents to cough up bond money. .
In fact, there are even instructions written BY college students FOR college students on how to avoid getting busted. However, we think these were written in a special collegese language code known only to those between the ages of 18 and 22.
“Always drink responsibly and be a bud to your friends.”
Translation: “Always drink . and bring a Bud to your friends.”
“Keep friends that are trashed in the hotel.”
Translation: “Trash the hotel.”
“Always drink bottled water, Coke or Pepsi.”
Translation: “JUST kidding!” or “Don’t drink anything containing less than 12 percent alcohol content.”
“Always be respectful to police – `Yes, sir,’ `No, sir.'”
Translation: “Avoid saying the word `pig’ within ear shot. .”
Husband-head grabbed the travel section out of my hands to check out the spring break specials for himself.
“Hey! Maybe I’ll get some buddies and go to spring break myself,” he suggested.
Translation: “Beware of old middle-aged farts ogling 20-year-old co-eds on the beach. .”
Heidi Rice’s column runs every Friday in the Post Independent.
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