Don’t yell: Parenting seminar suggests self-quieting
When kids are hyper and don’t want to go to bed, brush their teeth or be nice to their little sister, parents should put themselves into time out, not the kids.At a seminar on positive discipline, speaker Vickie Falcone convinced parents that her parenting methods – which in heated arguments may sound impossible – have a lot of merit and create successful and meaningful relationships with children.”When we punish our kids we wish they would say, ‘I know mom’s doing what’s best for me because she loves me,'” said Falcone. “But we know what she’s really thinking is, ‘What a jerk!'”The audience chuckled and nodded their heads while Falcone shared her personal triumphs and failures as a parent.
“Punishment should not be about banishment,” Falcone said. “It should be a way to teach the child self-control.”Instead of telling a child to go to time out, parents should participate in what Falcone calls self-quieting.Self-quieting resembles time out but involves the parent and child and can work with any age group, Falcone said.Before the you-know-what hits the fan, parents should choose a place in the house where they feel safe. Children should be instructed to do the same, Falcone said.When an argument erupts, the parent or child needs to say, “I’m going into self-quieting,” and leave the room.Unlike traditional time out, self-quieting allows the child to follow the parent as long as he/she is quiet and respects the other’s space.
Children learn from example so when a parent first implements self-quieting, the parent must go to his/her safe spot until the child learns to follow suit, Falcone said.”And this is supposed to work with teenagers?” Asked one skeptical mother.Taking a minute to walk away from an argument, no matter what the argument is about, is good for any parent and child, Falcone said.Ken Baird and his wife Debbie attended the seminar to find alternative methods to yelling and screaming to get their 3-year-old and 8-year-old to listen.”I think it will take time but I think it’s worth a try,” said Ken Baird, of Carbondale. “One thing that’s really important especially in the beginning is that we support one another and remind ourselves that this is what we’re trying.”
Contact Ivy Vogel: 945-8515, ext. firstname.lastname@example.orgFor more information about parenting programs please contact Vickie Falcone at 927-6866.
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