Double-decker back-in parking hits town
GLENWOOD SPRINGS, Colo. Parking is a problem in downtown Glenwood Springs. Anyone who’s tried to park on Cooper Avenue can attest to that.”Have you seen how people park down there?” asked Marsellus Wallace, owner of Big Wallace’s Towing in Glenwood Springs.”I make enough money down there in one day that I’m able to take the rest of the month off,” Wallace said. Last year, City Council hatched the idea of “back-in” parking along Cooper, intending to make parking more accessible and to add more parking in the area. At least that was the point. Instead it’s created more headaches for people attempting to back in to the parking space, and stay between the painted lines.”What in Hades were they thinking,” said Bubba “Crunchtime” Coolidge. “I have a hard enough time parking my F-7002 pick-up truck as it is when I can pull the damn thing in to the spot head first.”Coolidge, who is a pizza delivery driver by trade, says his driving ability is “phenomenal, and he should be on the NASCAR circuit,” but he still has a tough time with back-in parking.
Parking is one thing, but the back-in parking program didn’t create more spaces.So, to improve the situation on Cooper Avenue, the local city government has called upon the help of Jules Winnfield – a retired civil engineer who’s spent the majority of his career developing parking solutions in Qasigiannguit, Greenland – to build a double-decker back-in ramp system to help alleviate the Cooper Avenue congestion, and add more parking spaces.”It’s really a simple project,” Winnfield said. “All I’m doing is taking the cars and putting them on another level. It’s more parking and will be easier to back the car into the space.”Winnfield, who has a rare illness that has robbed him of all peripheral vision, has never driven a car. But his engineering prowess was too renowned to pass up.Drivers will still have to back in, but now they will have guides to help them in the attempt. Winnfield said that the whole idea is to give people something that will direct their car into the space like concrete barriers and steel “direction” poles, he said.”It’ll be a lot like bumper cars,” Winnfield said.Also, the second deck ramp will provide double the parking, eight feet off the ground, above the cars below. People will be able to get on and off the second deck by using a small elevator or a bungee cord.
“The direction poles will be padded so as to not compromise the integrity of the car’s appearance,” Winnfield said. “But they are set up so the drivers can just pull up, put their car in reverse, and hit the gas until the car stops.”Winnfield vehemently denied that a conflict of interest existed with his design. Winnfield’s family acquired a great deal of wealth in the auto body repair business in both Greenland and the Northeast U.S.Things will be pretty similar to how it is now, just double the parking. “And more parking spaces!” exclaimed one motorist clearly thrilled with the new addition.The new double-decker back-in parking was unveiled today, April 1.However, drivers like “Crunchtime” Coolidge aren’t convinced about the idea.”How am I supposed to park my truck up there,” he said. “It’s never going to fit in those tiny spots. But I guess I’ll have the opportunity to live up to my time – Crunchtime.”
He didn’t smile when making the remark.Winnfield’s advises those with larger trucks to park as they always have before, wherever and however they want to.”Lines on the ground don’t do anything for people,” Winnfield said. “That’s why the poles are so important. People can’t miss them.”Some city officials said that the idea was “brilliant” and that it was well worth the $100 million price tag.Others weren’t so sure, but most of the council were out of town and unavailable for comment.Local business owners, like Esmeralda Villalobos, owner of the Swedish Massage Parlor on Cooper Avenue, said that the added parking will give a much needed boost to her business.”I’ve had customers that parked on Grand avenue because they can never figure out the parking around here,” she said. “Plus, if they back into something and hurt their neck, they will be needing a massage.”Winnfield could not be reached for further comment because he was getting a massage from Villalobos after walking into traffic and being struck by a vehicle he didn’t see approaching as it was backing into a parking space.APRILFOOLS!
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