Everybody must get stoned! | PostIndependent.com

Everybody must get stoned!

Fried Rice
Heidi Rice
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Heidi Rice
ALL |

OK, maybe it was cool back in the ’70s to be high at work, but that doesn’t seem to be a good idea these days.

Or is it?

Now that medical marijuana is legal by state law in Colorado, employers are now facing whether or not it is cool (or legal) to have their employees come to work high.

Why NOT? is our answer. I’d rather have a happy, high co-worker than a grumpy ol’ alcoholic hungover one any day of the week. High people are fun! High people laugh a lot!

I recently attended a seminar in which they were informing employers about the repercussions of having employees that were high on marijuana and how to handle them.

The person conducting the seminar – a local attorney – made it a point that he would not be giving legal advice, but at the same time advised employers that while pot might be legal medically in the state, it still was illegal according to federal law.

Blah, blah, blah.

Let’s get to the good stuff. Can you or can you not get stoned and go to work? Or get stoned AT work?

First let’s look at the ramifications.

Standing outside in the smoking area and lighting up is OK, although these days people are still walking by and shaking their heads, wondering why it is legal to commit suicide. …

And then there is the impairment factor that goes along with “medical marijuana.” Medical or not, when you are stoned, you are impaired, my friend. You certainly don’t hear of “medical alcohol.”

The signs of the drugs may not be the same – with one causing you to drive recklessly in a car while on the other you may drive up to a green light and stop – but they’re both signs of impairment. But being high on marijuana in the workplace may not only bring relief from chronic physical pain, but also the pain of being at work in the first place.

Imagine everyone in the office totally stoned and the movie “Office Space” being played on the TV screen. Of course, no one would really do anything productive, but there sure would be a lot of happy, laughing employees. …

“How would a person know if their employee is high on marijuana?” someone asked seriously at the seminar.

Ummm … they have an inordinate amount of snacks from the vending machine at their desk … they are laughing at nothing in particular … they’re asleep …

“What’s the best kind of weed to use?” another person asked.

The attorney pretty much balked.

“I, uh, am not prepared to answer that question,” he said honestly. “But there is a difference between Acapulco Gold and skunk weed.”

To me, it sounded like this attorney knew EXACTLY what the difference was. I was waiting for him to recommend that we all watch the 1970s movie, “Cheech and Chong.”

So, you can legally go to work, like, totally hungover, but you can’t go to work high? What’s up with that?

I looked around the room at the other people at the seminar.

“What do you think?” I whispered and poked the city’s recreation director across the table from me.

“Don’t even START with me, Heidi,” he hissed and tried to ignore me.

But the city was about to launch a campaign for a community garden, and I thought plots of medical marijuana would be kind of cool.

Here are your tomatoes … your cucumbers … your zucchini and … my, my, my … what do we have here?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does you garden grow?

With lots of seeds and lots of weed and high people all in a row. …

Heidi Rice is a reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her web site at http://www.heidirice.com to see more columns or buy her book collection, “Skully Says Shut It!”


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