Game’s agnostics put to test | PostIndependent.com

Game’s agnostics put to test

Who’s playing in this year’s Super Bowl?

The New England Patriots (Fox-something, Mass.) and The New York Giants.

Name two players who will be on the field on Sunday:

Tom Brady and a few dozens other fellows.

Name four NFL teams:

Buffalo Bills, San Francisco 49ers, Green Bay Packers, Dallas Cowboys.

(I had the Seattle Mariners down, but then realized that was baseball after a quick Google spell-check.)

How many points for a touchdown, field goal, safety?

6, 3, 1?

Name one supermodel who will be watching the Super Bowl:

Tom Brady’s enormously pretty girlfriend ” the one who didn’t bear his child.

Name four different positions on a football team (quarterback can’t be one):

Oh, this isn’t fair. Running back, line back, full back, kick returner?

How many yards for a first down?

10 (But, in all honesty, Glenwood Springs High School football coach Rocky Whitworth just clued me in to that fact)

On what down do most teams kick or punt?

3rd.

What is it called when the defense catches a pass?

Steal? I mean, interception.

The best part of the Super Bowl ” the game, halftime, the commercials, not watching?

The commercials, for sure. And having local movie theaters blissfully devoid of people.

Who’s playing in this year’s Super Bowl?

New England Patriots and the New York Giants … or is it Mets? … or Jets?

Name two players who will be on the field on Sunday:

Well, Tom Brady is obviously a player in both senses of the word, so he’ll probably be there. The other one might be that Plaxico guy whose name always reminds me of Cling-Wrap ” I don’t know why.

Name four NFL teams:

Green Bay Packers (husband-head is a die-hard fan), Minnesota Vi-Queens (at least that’s what husband-head calls them), Chicago Bears (husband-head’s most hated team) and San Francisco 49ers (I attended college where they practiced every summer.) Other than that, I don’t know.

How many points for a touchdown, field goal, safety?

Six, three … what the hell is a safety?

Name one supermodel who will be watching the Super Bowl:

According to the cold, hard facts I get from “Entertainment Tonight” on TV, it will probably be Jessica Simpson, watching her boyfriend Tony Romo ” although she should probably watch in private, especially if the Patriots lose and the team blames her for the loss.

Name four different positions on a football team (quarterback can’t be one):

The coach rabidly chewing gum and screaming into his headset, the player sitting on the bench who doesn’t play at all and just shakes his head, the little midget-sized guy (at least compared to the others) who tries to kick the ball between the posts, and the guy (I don’t know if it’s a position or not) who is required to have long dreadlocks hanging out of his helmet.

How many yards for a first down?

It doesn’t matter ” you just run until everybody dog-piles on top of you.

On what down do most teams kick or punt?

They do that wherever they are when someone mutters something horrible about the other guy’s mother under his breath.

What is it called when the defense catches a pass?

Miller time.

The best part of the Super Bowl ” the game, halftime, the commercials, not watching?

When it’s over and there’s no more football on for a while. Spring is in the air!


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