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Husband-Head and the royal peck

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice
ALL |

“Why in the world are you getting up now?” Husband-Head asked sleepily last week. “It’s only 3 a.m. We still have another few hours of sleep to go!”

But I was determined.

“I’m going to watch the royal wedding live,” I announced as I put my robe on. “It is an historic event, you know.”



“Whatever,” he said and rolled over to go back to sleep.

It’s not that I’m an obsessed “royal watcher,” but I thought it would be cool to see the event live. Kind of like when I was 8 years old and my mother held my eyelids open so I could watch Neil Armstrong from the Apollo 11 walk on the moon for the first time at 10:56 p.m. on July 20, 1969.



I did not, however, stay up to watch Michael Jackson’s first “moonwalk” in 1983.

So, half asleep, I watched the royal wedding from the couch as it unfolded at Westminster Abbey in London.

As members of the royal family and the wedding guests trickled in, like everyone else, there was one thing you couldn’t help noticing.

The hats.

Which have since become a major topic of conversation and criticism, but I wasn’t really prepared for it.

“What the?” I muttered to myself as I watched two young women get out of a car with the most god awful-looking things on their heads I’d ever seen. They didn’t even resemble anything I’ve ever known as a “hat.”

One looked like she had the dough mixing attachment from my KitchenAid mixer on her head – only it was peach colored – while the other seemed to have some sort of bird sitting on her head.

Turns out they were princesses Beatrice and Eugenie of York, Sarah Ferguson’s daughters, and cousins of Prince William and Harry.

Then there was some Victoria Beckham chick who had what looked to be a black pillbox hat stuck on the front of her forehead.

There were also women who had hats apparently glued onto the side of their heads, because the angles defied all rules of gravity.

“What’s with all the friggin’ weird hats?” I asked out loud, to no one in particular.

At least Queen Elizabeth wore her hat like a normal person, on top of her head.

Getting past the hats, the ceremony was beautiful and it was fun to see that the wedding party, (ie. William and Harry) were having a good time while standing up at the altar.

According to professional lip readers, while Kate was walking down the aisle and William was facing the altar, Harry turned around to take a look-see. Some speculate he was checking out the maid of honor, Kate’s sister, Pippa Middleton, who was wearing a slinky, form-fitting dress.

“Oh, this is going to be fun,” the lip reader translated Harry’s comment to William as he turned back around laughing.

Then there was a moment when William leaned over to his soon-to-be father-in-law and whispered something with a smile.

Again, according to the lip reader, he said, “And I thought this was supposed to be a small family affair.”

Yes, with a reported 3 billion people watching.

Aside from all the hoopla surrounding Kate’s dress, the other big moment was the much anticipated first-in-public kiss between the couple on the balcony as hundreds of thousands of people watched from below.

Nothing like a little pressure to perform.

Apparently William isn’t one for displays of public affection, so I’m sure this wasn’t one of his favorite moments.

“He gave her, like, this PECK on the lips,” I reported to Husband-Head a few hours later when he got up. “In fact, the crowd started chanting ‘Kiss! Kiss!’ because it was so quick.”

And he did kiss Kate again, this time a little bit longer.

“Who the hell cares?” Husband-Head said, wondering what all the fuss was about. “Why is everybody so obsessed with hats and kisses?”

With that he grabbed his coat and his lunch box and headed out the door to work.

“Umm, aren’t you forgetting something?” I asked, pointing to my mouth.

He leaned over and gave me a quick peck.

“That was lame,” I said indignantly. “That was like the royal peck!”

“If it’s good enough for the future King of England, it’s good enough for me,” he said as he headed out the door. “That’s what you get from now on.”

I think I’m gonna start wearing the dough mixer attachment on my head.

– “Fried Rice” runs in the Post Independent every Friday. Heidi Rice is a freelance writer who lives in Rifle. Visit her website, http://www.heidirice.com for more columns and her book. Contact Heidi at hrice@rof.net.


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