I’ll listen to your love advice, but I’ll do what I want anyway
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
People love to give me advice about love. Maybe they think I need it more than others. Maybe they hope I write a joke about it. Or maybe they think they know more about love than I do. Politely, I nod my head and listen.
Then I go and do what I want anyway.
In the game of love – game seems appropriate since there are definitely winners and losers – I just don’t believe what works for one couple works for everyone. Sure, the New York Times Bestseller “He’s Just Not That Into You” self-help exercise in love helped all the dating women out there in the mid-2000s realize a few things. We learned that men will call, e-mail, text, send smoke signals or direct whatever means of communication they deem appropriate to women if they like them. If they don’t like them, they’re not going to call, e-mail, text or send smoke signals. That means the man is just not that into the woman.
And said woman needs to move on to the next man that could possibly be, or not be, into her.
What a great concept, especially for the man. This makes dating about as fun as sticking a blunt writing instrument into my eye. As a writer/editor, I prefer the red pen.
For the symbolism alone.
Meeting someone isn’t necessarily the hard part. There are millions of people out there in the world. And with the Internet, one out of five relationships begin with online dating. I don’t even have to get out of my PJs to meet someone for coffee. It can all be done virtually. Although the first kiss really should wait for an actual face-to-face meeting.
Skype necking just doesn’t have the same effect.
I meet a lot of people socially and professionally, since a lot of what I do requires me to be out in the public. It’s a little-known fact that shameless self-promotion is in fact an art. Luckily I’m a people person so that’s not the hard part. Dating and trying to convince someone I won’t write about them or use them in my comedy act is the challenge. And it seems this is an issue straight out of the gate. Sure, he might be into me. But he’s into himself way more than me if he thinks he’s important enough to be written about in the paper or become a punch line.
It takes a real man to own up to that possibility – or maybe just a man with an elevated sense of humor. Like the saying goes, if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Me, for starters. I spend the majority of my time laughing at myself anyway. And it’s quite fun. I recommend it over kicking yourself. The concept is both awkward to initiate and painful when correctly, or incorrectly, executed. Things get even more weird when I kick myself when I’m down. That’s where yoga poses come in handy.
Requires some flexibility.
Most people who know me well know I’m a passionate person. This is great for things like writing messages in birthday cards passed around offices or making toasts at weddings. And making toast because I like it with butter, sugar and cinnamon and that is about as passionate as you can get with a piece of toast. Such sugar-sweet passion doesn’t always translate so well in the initial phases of dating. I am always ready to jump in the water cannonball-style, feet and butt first, making a huge splash. I hear that’s the Taurus in me. Most men just aren’t into that idea so much and would rather dive in with their heads first. That dampens all the passion and takes all the fun out of it for me, and I really don’t want love to be anything else but fun.
I find nothing logical about love. If it’s real for me, it’s not going to be some equation that involves number of days I’ve known someone multiplied by the number of texts they’ve sent me divided by the number of dates we’ve been on. That’s why I don’t understand love advice. Everyone is different, especially me and whoever I date. When it’s right, it’s right. Keep that in mind as I politely nod my head and listen.
I’m going to do what I want anyway.
April E. Clark is just that into him. She can be reached at email@example.com. Follow her on Twitter at @aprilinglenwood.
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