It’s surprising what ‘friends’ will do … if you pay them
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
“Honey, would you ever pay to rent someone to be your friend?” I asked Husband-Head curiously. “Or would you ever rent yourself out to someone to be their friend?”
Husband-Head looked at me and shook his head.
“Would you ever consider listening back to a tape of yourself and all the weird things you ask?” he retorted.
But I had recently heard about a new website now available called RentAFriend.com. The idea is that for about $25 per month, you can sign up and peruse through a list of registered “friends” in your area. When you find one that seems interesting, you call them and arrange for a meeting and negotiate a price.
“Two words,” Husband-Head suggested. “Escort service.”
Granted, that came to my mind as well, but the website information insists that this service is for “platonic” relationships only.
“RentAFriend.com is NOT a dating website and NOT an Escort agency,” the website information insists. “Services on RentA Friend.com are strictly for FRIENDSHIP purposes only.”
“You just call, out my name … and you know wherever I am …”
The way it works is that you sign up and are then free to look at people in the ZIP codes of your choice. You can see what activities they will participate in and if any of them match your own interests.
The “Friends” themselves charge anywhere from $10 to $50 an hour, but almost all will negotiate or even waive the fees if you agree to get naked for the activity.
No, we are kidding here. Friends don’t let Friends get naked. …
So, for a kick, I looked up potential RentAFriends in a few local area codes. There were two in my area.
But I was amazed at the number of things Friends will do for a friend. And the majority of them are legal.
The following are just some of the many activities listed:
• Introduce you to people: This is where a complete stranger you have just hired to be your “friend” is in charge of introducing you to other complete strangers.
• Book stores: If you and your hired friend have the same taste in books (what are the odds?) then this might be an interesting meeting. However, we’re thinking the library would be an even better bet, because then you wouldn’t have to actually TALK to your new friend.
• Zoo: Everyone knows it’s no fun to watch the animals groom their private parts without someone to share it with.
• Teaching manners: Imagine sitting across from a total stranger and explaining to them that, according to Emily Post, farting in public is not socially acceptable behavior in public. And then getting paid for this infinite piece of wisdom.
• Prom Dates: Being in my late 40s, this category cracked me up at the idea of being rented out by some 18-year-old high school student to attend his senior prom.
“And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson … Jesus loves you more than you will know …”
“God, I’d have to wipe his nose and kiss his boo-boo,” I mused to Husband-Head out loud. “I’d be, like … what do they call them? A COUGAR! Like Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher! I’d be old enough to be the guy’s damn grandmother!”
• Business events: “If you are a professional and need to attend a professional meeting, it’s always good to bring along someone who can fit in with your co-workers,” the RentAFriend guidelines say. And we totally agree. Nothing is more fun at the company Christmas party then to bring along someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass whether you get fired or not the following Monday morning. …
• Parties and going to bars: “People being together, enjoying each other’s company and celebrating good times,” the activity is described. Yes, twist MY arm to go to a party and get paid for it. …
• Clubbing: Apparently, this doesn’t involve instruments used for bodily destruction, this is loud music and partying, sometimes at actual clubs, which involves lots of people. Still … this sounds like an event more appropriate for a hit man than a hired friend …
• Sporting events: Pity the person who earns money going to a sporting event.
“You would SO enjoy this one,” I pointed out to Husband-Head. “You could actually get PAID to go to a Packer’s game, wear a foam cheesehead and eat brats!”
I couldn’t believe all the things people would do or would pay for on RentAFriend. But apparently, there is quite a demand for it.
“Maybe you could rent a wife and I wouldn’t have to deal with anything,” I mused to Husband-Head. “I could, like, just be the concubine. …”
“Or maybe we could not have these stupid conversations and you could rent someone to help you look for a real job,” he added.
Which then made me wonder if you can put a RentAFriend application on your unemployment form. …
Heidi Rice’s column appears every Friday in the Post Independent. Visit her website at heidirice.com to see more columns or for her book collection of columns.
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Elk Creek Elementary fourth grader Brian Hazelton said he wants to be an astronomer, an artist and an author when he grows up.