Fitness column: How to survive the food revolution |

Fitness column: How to survive the food revolution

Steve Wells
Staff Photo |

We the people are fortunate enough to be in the midst of a food revolution. Thanks to loudmouths like me and all of you who buy organic food, grow your own food and minimize the FDA-approved toxic garbage you put into your body, food manufacturers are changing how they adulterate our food. People are reversing many symptoms that lead to disease with food only. This is hopeful since Type II diabetes, cancer, autoimmune disease, ADHD and a slew of other disorders are ever increasing. People are learning that if they can reduce toxic processed foods, they can have a huge impact on disease.

I have said that the only real way to cause change is with your wallet, and it’s happening. If you quit buying it, they will stop making it.

Well … this is only partially true, unfortunately. They (food manufacturers and their hip-pocket FDA goons) will bend old rules and make new ones that will trick or force you into buying their frankenfood. This is how many farmers who have grown raw organic food have been jailed, after an exciting armed raid, of course. Don’t get caught selling your neighbors raw goat milk.

Fact: Yes, you are paying for armed raids on goat farmers who sell raw milk.

The food powers that be will put up a fight. They will make more laws backed up with white-coat research that will make whole foods illegal or “unsafe.” Britt Glock’s recent column on Sweetmyx proves that. These companies aren’t going down without a fight. Chemists need to pay back their expensive college loans, too, so they will be working hard to come up with new artificial toxic flavors, flavor enhancers, texturizers, stabilizers and colors. Let’s face it, real health food is not as profitable as artificial food, nor is it patentable.

I always like to hear both sides of the story, like any good therapist. What about people who believe that the federal government actually acts on behalf of average citizens and not the corporations that pay their salaries? What if poisonous food is your thing? Our Constitution guarantees your right to eat whatever you want; just like it guarantees freedom of religion. OK, it really doesn’t, but please just go along with this fantasy so you can enjoy the rest of this article.

Here are my tips to survive the health food revolution:

Start hoarding junk food as it will all be banned soon: If you are not sure about what to buy, ask an impoverished person what to buy. Our federal government likes to single them out as junk food junkies due to their high rates of obesity. Junk food is cheap, and that is why poor people are much less healthy. This somehow makes sense to our leadership as the logic is simple enough for elected officials to understand and they can insult both poor and obese people at the same time while taking no responsibility for them being both poor and obese.

The shelf life of junk food is amazing: Fresh whole foods just don’t last. This is a big problem that science can fix. You can store some forms of junk food for enough time to survive the toxicity from hybrid car battery production and disposal. Prepper wackos and poor obese people will be happy about this. In fact, most junk food can just be stored right out on the counter. This is great since the biggest excuse I get for eating poorly is how much time it takes to grow, prepare and store food. Storing junk food right out in plain sight saves time and eliminates the need for long-term, expensive storage containers. Whole foods are difficult to store and transport and therefore inferior to their artificial and often poisonous counterparts.

Stock up on 44-ounce and larger soda pop containers: These will definitely be banned soon because of the delicious and toxic liquid they contain but also because they are made out of petroleum — a bad, bad thing, according to the health food police. Look at what Michael Bloomberg tried to do in New York. Skinny, know-it-all politicians who are always looking for new ways to take your rights away are getting more and more creative in their methods of control.

Grow GMO soybeans instead of vegetables in your backyard: Tofu will become the main processed junk food source of the future for a few reasons. It is highly processed, tastes horrible, provides little nutrition and most people don’t know that it’s junk food. You can sneak tofu into a movie theater right under the noses of the health food police because they would think that it’s a healthy alternative to GMO popcorn covered in butter flavored hydrogenated chem-oil. This spongy gray mechanical colloid can even be molded to look like common health foods like hamburgers and hot dogs. Wait, we’re already doing this — sorry.

Steve Wells is a personal trainer and co-owner of Midland Fitness. His column appears on Tuesdays. Check out Steve’s blog According to Steve at

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