OPINION: Back in the USSA

Travis Kelly
Free Press Opinion Columnist

When a former President Jimmy Carter says that we “no longer have a functioning democracy,” and a former Treasury Secretary under Reagan, Paul Craig Roberts, says “the American people have suffered a coup d’etat, but they are hesitant to acknowledge it,” all those who celebrated the Fourth of July recently should take note. If we are going to save this 237-year-old republic, waving the flag at a parade once per year is not going to cut it.

Roberts explained: “Americans are ruled by usurpers who claim that the Executive Branch is above the law and that the U.S. Constitution is a mere ‘scrap of paper.’” Although the Executive Branch has been steadily increasing its powers at the expense of Congress ever since the end of WWII, it was really Bush and Cheney who finalized the usurpation with their “unitary executive” theory — Orwellian doubletalk for “dictator.”

Unfortunately, Obama has accelerated this coup, consolidating and expanding the secret powers of the revolutionary new nation we live in — the USSA, or United Security States of America. “You will know nothing about us, but we will know everything about you.”

Most of the Republican goosesteppers who supported everything Bush did are now up in arms over Obama’s continued usurpations, and most of the Democratic diehards who weeped and wailed over Bush are now goosestepping behind their man. The time-honored strategy of all empires is in play here: Divide and conquer, beginning on the home front. If your only principle is party loyalty sung to the tune of a Tammy Wynette song, you really don’t have any principles.

But I have to concede this to the usurpers — I am sleeping much better at night. There’s no doubt that the old USA was one of the most vulnerable nations in the history of this planet, and I was ever terrified by this gnawing insecurity. One night I even woke in a cold sweat — a nightmare that the Canadians had invaded! Yes, they’re all so polite and friendly on the surface, in their commonwealth way, but you just know that has to be masking something. Sick of their endless winters, probably plotting another “new Pearl Harbor” to conquer warmer territory and avenge that misunderstanding in 1812.

And then we have the classic pincer movement with their allies creeping up on our southern border — the Mexican threat. They’ve been gradually invading already for years, and you know they’re really pissed not only about losing California and Texas, but also our continued violation of their patents on the taco, burrito and Margarita. Could we ever survive the combined might of the Canadian and Mexican armies?

But what really frightens me is the vulnerability of our eastern and western regions, bordered by the gigantic Atlantic and Pacific oceans — those vast, unobstructed causeways inviting all the navies of the world to establish amphibious beachheads in Oregon and Maryland. The Arabs from the East, the Chinese from the West. Another pincer movement! Tora-tora-tora and Tora Bora! We’re completely outflanked and surrounded!

And that’s why I say Thank God for the USSA. I’ve stopped bedwetting out of uncontrollable fear of our global enemies now, and I go about more comfy in the day, knowing that Big Daddy is watching me and everybody. I’m thinking of getting a Bluetooth and keeping my brain online 24/7, so the brothers at NSA will always know exactly where I am and what I’m doing by GPS. For instance, if I’m walking to the local convenience store for beer and chips, the NSA could alert me to an imminent terrorist threat there — “STOP! Turn right on Teller now! DO NOT proceed to the Stop’N Gobble! They hate your freedom and want to blow you up!”

Turns out this column has been another nightmare. But there is hope: Congress is finally rising off its haunches and starting to growl. Several bills have been introduced to curtail the NSA’s surveillance dragnet. Sen. Rand Paul has introduced the Restore the Fourth Amendment Act. Other bills forcing the rubber-stamp FISA court to declassify its documents, and to repeal the Patriot Act, have been submitted. And the ACLU has filed a lawsuit against the NSA.

All these measures enjoy wide bipartisan support. And they need yours, too. You’ve watched the fireworks on July 4th — now please make some noise in your congressman’s ear by voicing your support for the Constitution as the supreme law of this land. As Justin Raimondo, editor of states, “Nothing less than the future of the republic is at stake in this fight.”

Travis Kelly is a web/graphic designer, writer and cartoonist in Grand Junction. See his work or contact him at

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