Viewing loneliness as a growth opportunity |

Viewing loneliness as a growth opportunity

Catherine Fenske
Free Press Health Columnist
Catherine Fenske
Staff Photo |

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.”

— Henry Rollins

Loneliness is part of the human condition and sometimes we all feel lonely at times. And it is at these times, as ironic as it may seem, when we most need to be alone. It is a time, an opportunity for growth if we embrace the feeling of loneliness and work our way around it and through it. It can be very empowering when we do.

Loneliness provides us with an opportunity to practice self-love and self-care. The rawness of the feeling almost pushes us to take a healing posture with ourselves. It’s either that or take the other path and wallow in self-pity. I, for one, would rather make the choice for healing.

I had the chance to practice this on Mother’s Day. It was the first Mother’s Day in 41 years I haven’t been with any of my children and I was completely alone. I woke up feeling sad and melancholy and really feeling sorry for myself. In spite of the nice texts, phone calls and Facebook posts from everyone I continued to choose to stay in that “poor me” attitude for a while.

When I was tired of being there, I got out my toolbox that is readily available if I remember it is always there. I pulled out several tools — meditation, prayer, invocation of my angels and archangels, and most importantly, my connection with my Beloved, my higher Self within. Suddenly, I didn’t feel alone any longer and the feeling of loneliness gave way to feelings of wholeness and ever-present love —my natural way of being.

My children had given me a gift of a massage for Mother’s Day so I decided to be proactive and practice self-love and self-care after my time spent learning my way through the loneliness of the morning. I drove up to Ten Thousand Waves in the afternoon and soaked in the tub, had a luxurious 80-minute massage, stopped in at the meditation room to send out gratitude, soaked my feet in the foot bath and made several connections with other mothers who were there for the day.

It ended up being a powerful day, a day full of beauty. Experiencing the loneliness of the morning was the catalyst for this edifying day. I truly did need to be alone to work my way through the pain I was feeling early in the day. The after-care was important as well. To be able to love yourself and nurture yourself through all the human conditions is paramount to well-being on all levels.

Taking care of myself that afternoon “put a special burn on the sunset” that evening and made “the night air smell better.” The whole experience brought to life the divine impulse within me to evolve beyond the limiting feeling of loneliness and to see things through the eyes of being the creator of my experience.

When we choose to acknowledge setbacks and obstacles in life as teachers and explore the feelings that accompany them, it makes us stronger and more expansive. It helps build our spiritual muscles to be able to lift ourselves up to a higher frequency and make life a passionate journey rather than a hopeless existence.

I encourage you this week to honor all your feelings and explore them. See where they lead you. Allow them to empower you and provide growth and catapult you to the next level of freedom.

Catherine Fenske is the owner of Live With Intention Coaching. She is spiritual counselor/teacher, certified life coach, Reiki master/teacher. Catherine can be reached at 505-795-7779 or email at Visit or her blog at

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