Move over Chuck Norris, It’s Chuck Testa time! | PostIndependent.com

Move over Chuck Norris, It’s Chuck Testa time!

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice
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It was with extreme curiosity that I went into Husband-Head’s home office when I heard all kinds of laughter coming from the room.

There he was, sitting in front of his computer and completely cracking up.

“You have got to see this,” he said, pointing at the screen. “My fantasy football guys sent me this video that’s posted on YouTube.”

I stood behind him and watched as a commercial played that showed a deer peering out from behind a tree, a coyote crawling on a log and a flying pheasant.

It also seemed very normal until a man popped into the picture.

“You probably thought this deer was alive,” he says. “And this coyote was alive. And this pheasant was alive. NOPE. They’re not. They’re dead. They’ve been taxidermized by Chuck Testa.”

Husband-Head and I are not into hunting and definitely not into taxidermy, so I couldn’t figure out what was so funny.

But Chuck Testa, 55, from Ojai Valley, Calif., was promoting his taxidermy business and the thought that dead things could be brought back to “life.”

The video then showed an onlooker pointing at a car as he watched an antelope driving a car. Then a man pops up from the driver’s seat.

“Nope! It’s Chuck Testa.”

A 15-year-old girl is shown in her bed.

“Oh no! There’s a bear in my bed!” she cries out, pointing at a black bear next to her.

“Nope! Chuck Testa,” he says as he appears from under the covers, although it’s unclear which is more disturbing – the bear or Chuck Testa.

Another scene shows a rhinoceros in a bar.

“Did that animal just order a drink?” the bartender asks incredulously.

Nope. Chuck Testa.

But in the commercial, Testa doesn’t just limit himself to taxidermizing animals.

“Look kids! Grandma’s back!” it says while showing a picture of an old lady with a walking cane.

Nope! Just Chuck Testa.

This is pretty much where Husband-Head starts losing it laughing.

“This commercial is so bad that someone put it on the Internet a few days ago and it’s now gone viral with more than 2 million hits,” Husband-Head said, wiping a tear from his eye.

“Nope! It’s Chuck Testa” has now even become a catch-phrase.

The ad also prompted other people to post their own Photoshopped Chuck Testa-like videos with a variety of subjects that include Osama bin Laden and the phrase “I’m Back!” Another says “Charlie Sheen in a new television series.”

Nope. Chuck Testa.

Needless to say, this has all prompted a frenzy of comments as to what Chuck Testa would and would not taxidermize.

In promoting his taxidermy business, Chuck Testa invites people to send in their dead animals to his business, free of charge.

Which started a slew of comments.

“I am going to start scraping up road kill and sending it to this guy,” wrote Alex Jackson of Tennessee.

“Yes! Let’s just start sending him a ridiculous amount of dead animals – it would be hilarious!” Ben Roberts from North Carolina agreed.

But then, there’s always the guy that thinks about the logistics and what things might cost.

“Don’t forget USPS’s ‘if it fits, it ships,’ guarantee,” KC Hull of Hawaii reminded everyone. “So stuff those critters in real tight!”

After we quit laughing about it, Husband-Head and I just looked at each other.

“You know, Saturday Night Live is definitely going to get a hold of this one and run with it,” Husband-Head assured me with a smile.

Both animals and humans should beware. Just because it looks like its dead, doesn’t mean that it is.

Nope! It’s Chuck Testa!

– “Fried Rice” appears every Friday. Heidi Rice is a staff writer and columnist for the Post Independent. She lives in Rifle. Visit her website, http://www.heidirice.com for more columns and her book. Contact Heidi at hrice@postindependent.com.


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