On the catwalk…
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Forgive me if I quote “Zoolander” for the next week straight.
Unlike the 2001 Ben Stiller cult classic, I am not Derek Zoolander, a “clueless fashion model brainwashed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia,” as the movie description reads. But thanks to the Carbondale Council on Arts and Humanities’ Green Is the New Black Fashion Extravaganza, I am a limitless fashion model brainwashed to the idea of being a model.
A girl can dream.
By no means am I the typical size of a model. That would be 34-24-34 inches at 5 foot-9 inches, according to the British Association of Model Agents. I might come close on the top and bottom, but that’s definitely not the case in my mid-section. The last time I had a 24-inch waist, I was playing Poison tapes on my Star Studio dual-cassette radio and styling my hair with a crimper. And just think I touched Bret Michaels from the front row of his concert 25 years later at a club in Aspen.
Not even Nostradamus could’ve predicted that one.
Obviously if I were 5′-9″ and 34-24-34, my life might be playing out a little bit different. I might have starred in a rap video. I could be on “America’s Next Top Model.” Or, “The Bachelor.”
Or maybe my life wouldn’t be any different than it is now. Even with a 24-inch waist, I’m sure I’d have my same self-deprecating sense of humor.
I would just look a whole lot better in a bikini.
I might be a little cranky sometimes because I couldn’t drink the amount of Coca-Cola I seem to be addicted to consuming. And I wouldn’t be able to eat like it’s my job. But, I would look a whole lot better in a bikini.
Rafting season is coming up fast, kids.
I am proud to say I’m around 34-something-something. And 5-foot 5-inches. And I’m so excited to be a model in the fashion extravaganza. I’m not just excited, actually. I am over the top about it. Just think, for a few weeks I get to do some turns on a catwalk. Hum that “I’m too sexy song” to myself 24-7. Hop around in high heels. Wear a ridiculous amount of make-up. Look fabulous in a bikini. And drink champagne. Someone has to live the model life.
A girl can dream.
This show is an amazing endeavor to produce. That is what I find the most fascinating about being a model in the event. I feel honored to be a part of the show. It is bringing an amazing comeback for me, as I understand that finding things and meeting people who inspire me is my lifeblood. I can’t live without creative influences in my life.
You know who you are.
This started with my family when I was a child and has continued on to adulthood with my friends, lovers, and colleagues. I soak creativity in like I’m in a hot spring.
I am, after all, a model.
– April E. Clark will be doing her little turns on the catwalk March 11-12 at the Carbondale Recreation Center … She can be reached at email@example.com.
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Former Carbondale trustee Katrina Byars said she wants to bring a voice of environmental sustainability to the commission, and believes her opponent has served long enough.