Plan your epitaph and enjoy the holiday season |

Plan your epitaph and enjoy the holiday season

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice

“So are you ready for the big holiday season?” I asked Husband-Head. “There’s an awful lot of stuff going on this month.”

Husband-Head rolled his eyes.

“There’s nothing to freak out about,” he shrugged. “Thanksgiving is not for another couple of weeks, and we’ll just sit on the couch and eat turkey sandwiches, drink beer and watch football. No big deal.”

I had to disagree.

“Oh, but you are wrong, grasshopper,” I corrected him. “The month of November is filled with all KINDS of celebrations. We already missed ‘Name Your Car Day’ and ‘Plan Your Epitaph Day,’ that were held on Nov. 2, along with ‘I Love Nachos Day’ on Nov. 6, but there’s a lot more to come.”

Husband-Head looked into my eyes to see if I was alright.

“And this weekend, there’s ‘Happy Hour Day’ on Nov. 12 and ‘Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day,’ on Nov. 14,” I continued to inform him. “November is a really fun month!” Husband-Head grabbed the glass of wine out of my hand. …

“You don’t need an excuse to celebrate ‘Happy Hour Day,'” he admonished. “You celebrate ‘Happy Hour Day’ all the time!”

But according to an Internet holiday directory, “Happy Hour Day” really is a holiday. And it lasts all day – not just an hour…

The term “Happy Hour” apparently originated in the United States Navy in the 1920s with the word “happy” referring to being “slightly drunk.” The idea of drinking before dinner has it roots in the Prohibition era when citizens would host “happy hours” at a speakeasy (an illegal drinking establishment) before eating at restaurants where alcohol could not be served.

“I wouldn’t talk, mister,” I shot back to Husband-Head. “You’re in the midst of Happy Hour SEASON! Just be glad you didn’t grow up during Prohibition and unable to drink beer while watching football games!”

Husband-Head wasn’t fazed a bit.

“I would’ve just held a speakeasy in my playhouse,” he said, with no concern. “A person can’t watch a Packer game without a beer – it’s unconstitutional. Our forefathers would not have wanted that to happen. …”

“Why was it called a ‘speakeasy?'” I wanted to know. “It should have been called a ‘slur-easy.’ And your little football parties should be named ‘Suck It Down Sundays.'”

“OK, but as far as ‘Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day,’ you certainly missed that one,” Husband-Head countered, trying to defend himself. “It should be ‘Grow Your Own Science Experiment Day or Did That Used To Be Blue Cheese Dressing or Sour Cream Day?'” But I wasn’t through informing Husband-Head of all the holidays.

“You know, the fourth Wednesday of November is ‘Tie One On Day,'” I said. folding my arms over my chest.

“Since when did November become the drinking month?” Husband-Head asked. “I thought it was December with ‘Get Wasted at the Company Christmas Party and Get Yourself Fired,’ night or ‘Try Not To Get A DUI on New Year’s Eve.'”

Actually, “Tie One On Day” is not about drinking at all. It’s about tying on an apron. The holiday was started on Nov. 22, 2006 – the day before Thanksgiving – according to

“Tie One On celebrates the humble apron and the spirit of women of earlier generations who donned the symbol of home, family and mothering as the uniform of their daily wardrobe and helped make America the great country it is today,” the website says. I could see that Husband-Head’s brain was ticking.

“So … can we try the French version?” he said with excitement. “Could you do, like, the French maid outfit thing with an apron and we’ll tie one on?”

Not exactly the vision of home, family and mothering …

I was bummed we’d missed the November “Plan Your Epitaph” day.

“What would you want your headstone to say?” I asked Husband-Head.

“Go, Pack, Go!” he said without missing a beat.

But November promises to be a fun month to kick off the holiday season.

“Look! It’s ‘World Toilet Day’ on Nov. 19!'” I pointed out to Husband-Head. “And ‘Start Your Own Country Day,’ on Nov. 22! Followed by ‘Stay Home Because You’re Well Day!’ on Nov. 30!”

Husband-Head plopped himself on the couch to watch a football game.

“Let’s just kick off the holiday season with a beer for ‘Happy Hour Day’; a plate of nachos for “I Love Nachos Day’ – and hold the blue cheese dressing and the sour cream …”

Heidi Rice is a columnist for the Citizen Telegram and the Post Independent. Her column runs every Thursday in the CT and Friday in the PI. Visit her website at to see more columns or buy her book collection. Email Heidi at

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