Soulnod taps Hopshead for the mayor’s job
Pot Dependent staff
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
APRIL FOOLS – A stunning political about-face is roiling the waters of the municipal election here, with word that sitting Sunnydale Bored of Distrustee member and political heavyweight Don Soulnod has endorsed political fruitfly Jim ‘Doc’ Hopshead for mayor.
But the current mayor accused Soulnod of ulterior, corrupt motives, and has vowed to fight for her political rights.
Soulnod, at a press conference held at a local sweat lodge, delivered a short speech and then disappeared into the lodge to begin a three-day vision quest to determine his political future.
Hopshead, upon hearing of the endorsement, donned his Robin the Wonderboy mask and cried, “Holy kiss of death, Batman! What’ll I do now?”
The reason for Soulnod’s sudden conversion from his unwavering conservative and pro-business views, the newborn progressive said, were two-fold.
One, he explained, was the recent acquisition of his medical marijuana certification, making him a grower and purveyor of the medicines.
One night of “cataloguing his wares,” he remarked with a smilingly mystified expression, and he suddenly saw the error of his ways.
He then pledged henceforth to be a completely green proponent of universal union membership, single-payer health care and conversion of the military-industrial-complex into a nationwide network of organic farms.
Soulnod’s second epiphany, he continued, was his realization that ‘Doc’ Hopshead was right on the money with his prescription for dealing with the 24-acre site of the doomed Thistle Creek Marketplace development dream.
Hopshead’s vision was that much of the site should be used for a Olympic-sized Frisbee Football Stadium, giving Sunnydale a leg up as a possible host for the 2024 Frisbee Olympics.
In addition to the stadium, Hopshead has envisioned an organic community garden, and a medical marijuana greenhouse to guarantee a constant supply to the town’s happy citizens.
Mayor Racey Latch Merlot, told of Soulnod’s endorsement, blanched and promised to fight to the end if the citizens try to unseat her from the mayoralty.
Merlot pointed out that, since her position is not up for election this year, Soulnod’s scheme to put Hopshead in charge was groundless.
She accused Soulnod of creating the political tornado partly in order to hide the fact that he has secretly given himself ultimate authority for subsequent applications for medical marijuana dispensary permits.
“I’m the last in the door,” Soulnod allegedly told a confidante who gladly spilled the beans for a C-note and a beer. “But you watch, as soon as I scuttle the rest of these dope peddlers, I’ll have the monopoly on pot sales in this burg.”
“Over my dead body!” shouted another distrustee, Frisky Chariott, aiming his invective from a shady spot across the street.
Chariott, seeing a chance to rid the town once and for all of his nemesis, hitched up his favorite dueling weapon – a bong shaped like a six-gun – and stalked out into the wild western, late afternoon heat for a smokedown with Soulnod.
The results of the duel, which was wreathed in dense clouds of smoke in the slanting evening rays, remained unknown at the time of the Pot Dependent’s news deadline for this edition.
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