There’s no need to fear, Ms. Underdog is here | PostIndependent.com

There’s no need to fear, Ms. Underdog is here

April E. Clark
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
April in Glenwood
ALL |

After the last couple of weeks, I’m feeling a lot like the Indianapolis Colts. The obvious connection is I’m a Hoosier and a Colts fan, so I feel the team’s pain of a 0-3 season start. And somehow the Detroit Lions are 3-0.

Bizzaro World indeed.

Not only is my favorite sports team in disarray, but I’m also feeling like a Colts-like underdog in life. This scenario might be perfect for Charlie Sheen, who told his boss this year to take his high paying TV job and shove it. Then he ended up with the most-viewed Comedy Central celebrity roast in history with 6.4 million curious onlookers. “Winning” the Charlie Sheen way, however, is certainly not my forte.

I purposely avoid the drug that is Charlie Sheen and adult film stars.

What works in Hollywood doesn’t quite have the same made-for-TV-movie charm in Carbondale, though. I’m just hoping there’s a punchline attached to these theoretical jokes being told in the universe lately. Life is as serious as a Facebook update – man, people are fired up – and I can feel the stress practically forming a family of peptic ulcers. They are an unruly bunch.

Especially at Thanksgiving.

The economy has me down. Suicides in the valley where I live have me down. The fact that Facebook makes so many people angry about news feed changes has me down. Yes, these are hard times and the political landscape doesn’t help. Except for being a source of inspiration for Saturday Night Live skits.

So much material, so little live network television time.

All I really want is my favorite football team’s quarterback back. Is that too much to ask?

Not that my stature has any resemblance to a professional football player, but I feel the frustration of an Indianapolis Colt. I know, the Dallas Clark practice jersey probably confuses people into thinking I’m him when they walk up behind me. I’m not actually on the Colts roster, but I do feel like life has put a target on my back. This does not bode well with my typically upbeat personality.

I prefer my targets to be of the chic discount retail store variety.

Who knows, maybe I’ve always been an underdog. Maybe fighting for success is just part of who I am. Maybe those times in life when I feel like I have zero wins and three losses have actually made me work harder for the good stuff.

For example, I’ve always been short. In many cultures, including our own, the ideal model height is 5 feet, 9 inches or taller. But I can get kind of close to 5 feet, 9 when I wear high heels. I also do not have a 24-inch waist. If I plan the outfit right, an appropriately placed wide stretch belt does wonders.

I’m sure these football players I feel so connected to have the same concerns.

I’ve also not typically been an analytical thinker. I’m all right-brain, baby.

Hopefully this does not mean that I go around life making illogical decisions. But I’m sure I’ve had some people a little worried – mostly my parents – anytime I’ve moved without a full-time job waiting for me on the other end of the MapQuest destination.

Funny, I’ve always been able to convince myself I have a successful career waiting for me in freelance writing when I need a life change. That’s until the “free” part takes over and “lance” misses its mark like a misguided joke at a celebrity roast. And the taxes and lack of insurance and benefits associated with freelance writing take their toll. Then I’m back to being the underdog again.

Maybe Comedy Central could find a winner in that.

– April E. Clark is planning an underdog-takes-back-football-picks domination in this year’s Post Independent weekly football picks. Watch out, boys. And cat. And dog. She can be reached at aprilelizabethclark@yahoo.com.


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