Turning 50 is actually nifty | PostIndependent.com

Turning 50 is actually nifty

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice
ALL |

I was looking forward to a weekend away with Husband-Head, although I wasn’t real excited about the reason for the getaway. We had reservations at a very nice hotel where we were going to eat, drink, have a few spa treatments and just relax.

It was my birthday weekend and I was turning 50.

I’m not really sure how I came to turn 50, although I guess it’s better than the alternative. It’s just that it seems only yesterday that I was 35.

But here it was.

Husband-Head had taken a few days off from work and we’d hired our trusted professional pet sitter, Stacey. She came over in the morning and read the obnoxiously detailed instructions I’d left for taking care of our two Labs and the cat.

“Don’t worry, Heidi,” she assured me, patting me on the back. “Go have fun. I think I can take care of a few pets.”

We started with lunch at one of my favorite restaurants and then headed over to the town’s very colorful bar for a cocktail.

“We better go soon – it’s almost time for our spa treatments!” I said looking at my watch. “We don’t want to pass out in the middle of it!”

“Why don’t you just go and I’ll stay here,” Husband-Head suggested, enjoying his beer.

Nothing doing.

Husband-Head had not been big on the whole spa idea to begin with. In fact, he INSISTED that I make sure and request that his body massage be given by a woman.

“I am absolutely not going to have a guy rubbing on me,” he had said in no uncertain terms. “You make sure of that.”

We finished up our cocktails and headed back to the hotel and went up to the massage room. I had an hour-long facial first and then we were scheduled for a “couples” massage in which we went into a room and were each assigned a masseuse. Husband-Head had never experienced a professional massage before.

“Good God, THAT was embarrassing!” he exclaimed afterwards. “You were snoring like hell!”

Big lunch … cocktails … a relaxing massage …

That evening we went out for dinner, but went to bed early because we were tired from the treatments.

“Wow, remember when we were younger how we’d spend our birthdays celebrating all night at the bar?” I asked Husband-Head. “Now we stay in fancy hotels, eat good food and go out for spa treatments. Things certainly have changed.”

Including my memory.

As we were getting ready for bed, I realized that I had forgotten to pack a bunch of things, including my glasses, which is not a good thing because I’m like Mrs. Magoo.

Around 5 a.m., I got up needing some water and fumbled my way in the dark over to the little refrigerator.

“It’s a little early for wine, don’t you think?” Husband-Head mumbled from the bed.

I didn’t see any water bottles, so I opted for a soda instead.

I cracked it open and took a big swig.

“Oh my GAWD!” I screamed, spewing the contents out.

“BEER?” Husband-Head said incredulously. “You’re having a beer?”

“I thought it was a Pepsi!” I cried, still shocked at the taste in my mouth. “All I saw was a blue can and it wasn’t in the box with the other cans!”

Husband-Head started laughing.

“Well, I woke up this morning and I got myself a BEER!” he sang to Jim Morrison’s old “Roadhouse Blues” song with the Doors.

“You better finish that and not waste one of my beers,” he added.

Yeah, right.

We went back to sleep and miraculously slept in until 7 a.m. I can’t remember the last time we’ve slept so late since the pets get us up around 5 every morning, every day.

“I wonder what time they got Stacey up?” I asked Husband-Head.

“I don’t know, but I’m sore as hell from that massage,” Husband-Head groaned. “I feel like I’ve been in a bar fight. I didn’t know she was going to beat me up.”

We packed and proceeded to head home.

“How’d it go?” I asked Stacey. “Did they behave?”

“Oh they were great,” she answered. “But they insisted I get up at 5:55…”

The weekend continued with a fun women’s poker/birthday party in the mancave the next day.

By the time I turned 50 on Monday, I was birthdayed out.

But I had successfully hit the half century mark, And it was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.

Heidi Rice is a columnist for the Citizen Telegram and the Post Independent. Her columns runs every Thursday in the CT and Friday in the PI. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice. come to see more columns or buy her book collection. Contact Heidi at http://www.heidirice.com.


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