Waking up on the wrong side of the bed can be a real pane | PostIndependent.com

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed can be a real pane

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice

It wasn’t that I was trying to jump out the second story window of our bedroom in the middle of the night – it just looked that way.

But when my head hit the glass pane, it woke Husband-Head up.

“What in the WORLD are you doing?” he asked, looking at me with one eye open. “The polite thing to do if you’re going to hurl yourself out the window is to at least open it first so you don’t wake up the rest of us!”

With that, he turned over and pulled the covers over his head.

The truth was, I was half-asleep and quite confused.

“I was just trying to get to the bathroom,” I said, squinting my eyes in the dark and trying to get my bearings.

“By going out the bedroom WINDOW?” Husband-Head said, now fully awake. “It’s much easier if you just exit the room by the door.”

But I was confused because I had gone to sleep on the wrong side of our king-sized bed. Normally, I sleep on the left and he sleeps on the right. The window is on his side and the doorway is on mine. In my sleep-induced state, I thought the window was the door.

We had switched sides because Husband-Head had been complaining that his half of the bed had a big dip in it and was killing his back. So, trying to be nice, I volunteered to switch sides with him.

But this arrangement confused even the pets. Normally, the animals come to my side of the bed and walk all over me when their little internal alarm clocks go off in the morning to let me know that they want to be fed. But this time, I wasn’t there.

“Who is POKING at me?” Husband-Head screamed, when a probing paw pulled at his covers. “And why are they putting their noses in my ear?”

I quietly laughed from the other side of the bed, thinking that now he knew what it felt like to be woken up at 5 a.m. on weekday mornings, weekends, holidays …

And while Husband-Head is normally the one who suffers from insomnia, sometimes I have trouble falling asleep if I’m really stressed out or have too much on my mind.

There’s nothing worse than lying wide awake in bed staring at the ceiling while listening to the person next to you snoring away.

“Honey …,” I nudged him.

No answer.

“Honey … what’re you doing?” I persisted.

“What does it LOOK like I’m doing?” Husband-Head finally mumbled. “Or should I say, what I WAS doing …”

I waited a few more minutes and still couldn’t fall asleep.

“Tell me a story,” I suggested, thinking that might help.

“The END!” Husband-Head said angrily. “Now go to sleep!”

A little while later I looked over in the dark and saw from the silhouette in the window that Husband-Head was sleeping with his knee up.

“Can you please put your leg down?” I asked politely, waking him up again “You’re blocking my view …”

The leg came down and I think he shot me a dirty look, but I couldn’t tell because the room was pitch black.

“Wow, I had a horrible dream last night,” Husband-Head reported the next morning. “Actually, it was more like a nightmare.”

“That somebody kept trying to wake you up?” I asked, hoping he didn’t remember.

“No, that the ball had been kicked off and I forgot to set up my fantasy football lineup,” he said, shaking his head. “It was just awful.”

It’s nice to know that when Husband-Head fantasizes, it’s only about football. …

“I think we’re having sleeping problems because we’re on the wrong side of the bed,” I decided. “We need to go back to our own sides.”

So we did and just turned the mattress around instead.

The next evening things were back to normal.

“OK, I’m going to go upstairs and make the nest!” Husband-Head informed me as he does every night.

Making the “nest” includes putting out the dogs’ beds, turning down the covers on our bed, putting the fan on and finding a program to watch on TV before the lights go out.

We settled into our normal positions in the bed.

“We’re all in our places with bright happy faces!” I sang out as I pulled up my covers.

Husband-Head seemed glad to be back in his familiar spot as well.

“And if you need to get up in the middle of the night, please use the doorway,” he warned.

Heidi Rice is a columnist for the Citizen Telegram and the Post Independent. Her column appears every Thursday in the CT and Friday in the PI. To see more columns or purchase her book, visit http://www.heidirice.com.

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