What’s your sign, babe? | PostIndependent.com

What’s your sign, babe?

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Fried Rice

“When the moon … is in the Seventh House … and Jupiter aligns with Mars … then peace will guide the planets … and love will steer the stars!” I sang as I danced around the living room.

Husband-Head stood and stared at me.

“I see we’re in hippy mode” he observed. “And if I recall correctly, didn’t The Fifth Dimension do that song in the 1960s?”

I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying because I was too caught up in the moment.

“This is the dawning of the AGE of AQUARIUS … AGE of AQUARIUS … AQUARIUS!” I belted out with my arms raised and twirling in circles. “AQUARIUS!”

Husband-Head looked baffled.

“I thought we stopped smoking that stuff years ago,” he said. “What are you doing?”

“Harmony and understanding; sympathy and trust abounding,” I continued on with the song. “No more falsehoods or derisions; golden living dreams of visions, mystic crystal revelations and the mind’s true liberation … Aquarius! Aquarius!” Husband-Head walked over and put his hand over my mouth.

“That’s enough, Rainbow,” he said. “What’s up with the astrological interest all of a sudden?”

It was because I had recently learned that because the stars had been realigned, we were all now different astrological signs than what we had believed we were all our lives. According to news reports, the Earth has shifted and so has the alignment of the stars and we are now completely different people than what we used to be.

For example, all my life I have been a Pisces, with a Feb. 28 birthday. And I always thought I rather matched the description of my zodiac sign – a dreamer with a big imagination, impulsive, enthusiastic, over-anxious, brooding and so on.

But under this new system, I am now considered an Aquarius, with birth dates that run from Feb. 16 to March 11.

Under Aquarius, I have suddenly become a high-strung person with overwrought nerves who tends to lose control and do or say things that I’ll regret later. I am a good thinker with an excellent sense of business and finance.

I can’t think of anything further from the truth.

“I don’t want to be an Aquarius!” I complained to Husband-Head. “I’m a Pisces. I’ve always been a Pisces. That’s like telling me my name is no longer ‘Heidi’ anymore!”

Husband-Head thought for a moment.

“Well, if you’re going to be an Aquarius, why don’t we just call you ‘Hair’ from now on?” he suggested.


“You know, you’re now a different sign as well,” I pointed out. “You know how you used to be a Libra? Well, now you’re a Virgo!”

According to the Washington Post, Husband-Head’s previous qualities as a Libra were “the desire for fairness, peace and harmony.” His new qualities as a Virgo were “practicality, a sharp mind and attention to detail.”

“And then there’s even a new sign in the zodiac!” I informed Husband-Head. “It’s the new 13th zodiac sign called ‘Ophiuchus’ for people born between Nov. 29 and Dec. 17.”

People under this new sign are reportedly seekers of peace and wisdom; attract good luck and jealousy; interpret dreams; reach for the stars; and wear a lot of plaid.


And apparently they like to hold serpents. …

“Note that walking around telling everyone that you’re a serpent holder may get you some funny stares,” a website warns. “Not recommended in the workplace.”

Yes, plaid and serpents are not notoriously known for garnering one a large pay raise or promotion. …

I don’t think I’m going to buy into the whole change in horoscopes. If we’re going to change stuff, I’d prefer it to be the year of my birth so that I’m turning 30 and not 50.

And for right now, I’m going to remain a Pisces.

“You may be able to enjoy and value your own life situation today or feel especially kind toward a friend or loved one,” my horoscope read. “Good luck follows.”

Which made me go back to my rendition of the movie “Hair” as I danced around the living room.


Heidi Rice is a columnist for the Citizen Telegram and the Post Independent. Her column runs every Thursday in the CT and Friday in the PI. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com to see more columns or purchase her book collection. Contact Heidi at hrice@rof.net.

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