A vacation with all the comforts of home
“I am SO damn trendy,” I announced to Husband-Head recently. “You have no idea how hip and trendy I am.”
Husband-Head looked at me rather skeptically.
“Sure I do,” he said, looking at my old sweat shorts and baggy T-shirt. “It”s just that I thought the grunge look was popular back in the 1990s.”
But I wasn’t talking about fashion at all.
“I’m on staycation,” I explained. “I’m on staycation all of next week.”
Husband-Head looked a little confused.
“That’s not a new-fangled term for that woman thing you have, is it?” he asked tentatively. “And does that still mean you’ll bite my head off the week before?”
“Staycations” are the new vacation trends. With the rising costs of gasoline and a poor economy, people are now opting to stay home or locally instead of spending money to travel. A “staycation” is reportedly defined as “a vacation spent at your home or in your hometown. And if done right, a staycation can be just as relaxing as a traditional vacation.”
Personally, I have taken home vacations for years. It’s just nice to have the house to yourself and not have to go to the airport or a hotel or someone else’s home.
However, I have apparently been doing staycations wrong.
According to the experts, when you take a stay-at-home vacation, there are certain things you should and shouldn’t do.
– You’re not supposed to answer your phone. This is hard because it could be either your spouse who desperately needs something or the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes ” and you wouldn’t want to miss the latter.
– You’re not supposed to check your e-mail. Nowadays, this direction is right up there with “you’re not supposed to brush your teeth”…
– You’re not supposed to do or complete home projects that have been on your list forever. Apparently, you should wait and do these on company time, if at all.
– You are supposed to pretend that your home has been transformed into a luxury four-star hotel. Ignore the doggie accident on the carpet … the maids will make the bed and take care of the laundry … and the guy that won’t leave the house and closely resembles your husband is actually a cabana boy meant to wait on your every whim.
If you have enough cocktails, you can envision all this. So what if it’s only 10 a.m.?
You’re on staycation, right?
The first day of my staycation, I decided I’d get the house all cleaned up so I didn’t have to worry about it the rest of the week. I did the normal chores and even took on one of Husband-Head’s chores, which is to vacuum the carpets.
I’m not very mechanical and I don’t know what I did wrong, but somehow parts started flying off the vacuum in all directions when I attempted to put the “pet hair attachment” on. And for some reason, I found this to be really funny because it was so appropriate. Husband-Head and I go through vacuums faster than some Hollywood couples go through spouses.
“Honey, I think I busted the vacuum,” I called to tell Husband-Head at work while laughing.
“That’s not funny at all,” he said seriously. “We just bought the damn thing. I think from now on you should leave the vacuuming to me.”
Twist MY arm…
This, of course, made me wonder what else I could break or screw up to get out of doing the chore.
Although I’d planned to spend my staycation simply floating in the pool, doing some long-overdue reading and taking leisurely walks, it didn’t seem to work out that way.
One day, I cleaned out the entire refrigerator and the freezers. It’s a big refrigerator and the freezers are jam packed ” some with stuff that had expiration dates from the early 2000s..
“Gross ” you’re older than my DOGS!” I said, holding my nose as I threw the items out.
Another day I cleaned out my underwear drawer. Then I pulled out the fun plug and decided to clean and organize my home office.
“What are you doing?” Husband-Head demanded to know when he came home one day and saw me furiously cleaning stuff. “I thought you were supposed to be on vacation.”
I felt completely guilty, like I had done something really wrong.
“I don’t usually have time to do this stuff,” I explained lamely.
But I knew Husband-Head was disappointed because he’d spent so much time getting the pool ready and making everything nice for me to relax and enjoy.
“OK, that’s it,” he said firmly. “No more cleaning. For the rest of the week, you’re to float in the pool and relax.”
Twist MY arm.
Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com.
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