Blinded by the Halloween lights | PostIndependent.com
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Blinded by the Halloween lights

Fried RiceHeidi RiceGlenwood Springs, CO Colorado

“Well, THAT was the most expensive Halloween we’ve ever had,” husband-head fumed as he turned off the front porch lights and shut down the house. “Thanks to YOU!””It’s not my fault – it’s yours!” I muttered back through clenched teeth.The night had started out just fine. The front of the house was completely decked out with pumpkins, a projector television that flashed scary Halloween faces on the screen, a strobe light and two skeleton tiki lamps with flames shooting out at the front walkway.”You know we’re going to get a lot of kids with all those decorations,” I warned husband-head beforehand. “I hope you’re ready.”Husband-head was dressed all in black with a really scary skeleton mask over his head and a big black cauldron of candy.”I love Halloween!” he said enthusiastically. “This is one of my favorite holidays.”The first trick-or-treaters started arriving shortly after 6 p.m. – before it was even dark.”WOW! Your house is so COOL!” they gushed as husband-head gave them a handful of treats.And as the night got darker, the Halloween decorations got even cooler.”Look at that strobe light,” husband-head said, admiring his decorations. “I can hardly see anything with that on.”We ordered a pizza and settled back to wait for the onslaught of costumed children.Sure enough, they began arriving in waves about 15 minutes apart.”Nooooo!” one very little girl screamed and went running back to the sidewalk to her parents when husband-head answered the door with his mask.”I think I won’t wear the mask when the little kids come,” husband-head said when he closed the door. “I’ll just put it on to scare the bigger guys.”We had transformers, Spider-Men, princesses and pirates.Husband-head’s favorite was a little girl dressed up as a shark in a home-made costume with her head peering out of the mouth and little button eyes.The older kids did the typical slasher-film characters from “Scream” and “Friday the 13th.”Around 8 p.m., I began to get tired and decided to watch a classic horror film on TV. I took out my contacts, put my glasses on and laid on the couch while husband-head continued to hand out treats from the big bowl on the coffee table.At one point, I removed my glasses and set them on the coffee table to rub my tired eyes. But when I went to put the glasses back on a few minutes later, they were no where to be found.”Ummm … where are my glasses?” I asked husband-head as I groped around blindly. “They were just here a second ago.””I dunno,” he shrugged through his skeleton mask. “I’ve been busy handing out candy.”This was not a good situation being that I’m blind as a bat without corrective lenses.Next thing I knew, husband-head and I were turning the house upside down looking for my spectacles, although being as I couldn’t see, I was not much help at all. We looked throughout the couch, behind the couch, moved every piece of furniture in the living room, rummaged through the pizza box and the trash – but found nothing.”I’ll bet you set your glasses down in the candy bowl on the coffee table without realizing it,” husband-head finally sighed.Then it dawned on me.”Wait, wait, wait … so you’re saying you put my FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR TRI-FOCALS IN SOMEONE’S FRIGGIN’ TRICK-OR-TREAT BAG?” I yelled. “How could you not see them? How could you not feel that they were WEREN’T a candy bar?””Between the strobe light and the mask, I couldn’t see anything!” husband-head shrugged and tried to hide a laugh. “I was giving out handfuls of candy – how was I supposed to know there were glasses in the bowl?”Yes, it’s all a hoot until someone has to write the check for a new pair.The next day, I put a “lost” ad in the classified section of the newspaper and then proceeded to call the eye doctor to make arrangements to get some more glasses.Husband-head called a little later.”You know, I’ll bet next year we’ll get some little girl dressed up as an old lady wearing tri-focals.”Heidi Rice is a staff writer for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.


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