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Byline Burton

The biggest unanswered question in the National Football League playoffs has nothing to do with long-bomb pigskins, but rather that Ford pickup commercial with the heavy metal rock ‘n’ roll song lyrics. You know the commercial. The truck blasts through mud bogs, then goes flying through the air over a row of lesser trucks.To some ears, the bombastic lyrics sound like “Dirty deeds, and the dunder chief.” To other ears slightly more plugged up, the lyrics go “Dirty deeds, and the tundra thief.”Neither of these lyrics make a lot of sense, even for heavy metal rock ‘n’ roll. For starters, what is a “dunder chief?” What’s a “dunder”? Would this be related to “dunderheads”? Why would Ford target-market dunderheads who for the most part are too poor to buy a $25,000 truck?And what about the “tundra thief”? Is it in fact possible to steal tundra? Thunder – yes; tundra – no. And why would Ford Motor Company promote the Toyota Tundra truck in its $1-million-a-minute commercials? Did Ford and Toyota merge without telling anyone?Anyway, these lyrics were so puzzling, I was forced to drop what I was doing at work last week and ask 30-year-old Greg Mass if he knew the song in the Ford truck commercial.”You mean the AC/DC song?” he chirped without a second thought.Greg, a fellow reporter here who hunkers down and happily clicks out stories about five feet from my work pod, confirmed the lyrics are “Dirty deeds, and they’re done dirt cheap.”Gen X, Internet-savvy reporter that he is, Greg also located the 20-year-old song’s lyrics in about 12 seconds. They reveal a tale of jealousy, hatred, violence, love gone wrong, revenge, and various “Dirty deeds, and they’re done dirt cheap.”The song is about a strong arm enforcer who volunteers to help extract girls and guys from unhappy relationships through various violent acts. The song starts with the enforcer telling a high school girl to give him a call “any time” because, “I lead a life of crime.”The chorus thunders, “Dirty deeds, and they’re done dirt cheap.”By the final verse, the enforcer offers his services to guys who are looking to get rid of their girlfriends. The last verse says in part,”If you got a lady and you want her goneBut you ain’t got the gutsShe keeps naggin’ at you night and dayEnough to drive you nutsPick up the phoneLeave her aloneIt’s time to make a standFor a feeI’m happy to beYour backdoor man.”The song concludes with vicious guitar riffs, and final comments in the background that list the methods and equipment the enforcer has at his ready, including “… concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT. Done dirt cheap! Neck ties, contracts, high voltage. Done dirt cheap!”Although it might seem odd for Ford to employ such a wicked song for its truck commercial, the last chorus does sort of make sense. How are you going to haul those concrete shoes, crates of TNT, high voltage generators and gallons of cyanide? In the back of your Ford truck, and you’ll get your dirty deeds done, “Dirt cheap!”Another sign of cabin fever, beside figuring out TV commercial lyrics, is trying to come up with new bumper sticker slogans. The bumper sticker that goes “My other car is a …” begs for a few new ideas. How about:-“My other car is up on blocks and it’s still the best car in my neighborhood.”-“My other car is right on your bumper so please don’t slam on your brakes.”-“My other car is a Corvair and it’s still unsafe at any speed.”-“My other car is an honor student at Glenwood Springs High School.”-“My other car is the gigantic UFO that hovered over Phoenix a few years back.”-“My other car needs a `My other car is a’ bumper sticker.”-“My other car goes from 0 to 60 in four seconds, if it’s shoved off a 500-foot cliff.”If you’ve got any other “My other car is a …” ideas, e-mail them over to lburton@postindependent.com.Lynn Burton is a staff writer for the Post Independent.


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