Cheap yard sale items that cost a fortune
“Feed the bird, feed the little bird!” Husband-Head said as he stood in the kitchen and flapped his black tri-fold leather wallet open and closed early on a Saturday morning.I knew exactly what he wanted.”Here you go, bird,” I said, stuffing $10 in the mouth of his wallet.Off he went on his weekly ritual of making the rounds of Saturday morning yard sales.Actually, it works out well because it gets him out of my hair while I clean the house and he usually comes home with some pretty cool stuff.But I never know what he’s going to come home with. It could be anything On this particular morning, he came back about an hour later with … speakers.”They’re old and I’m not sure if they work, but they were only $1,” Husband-Head said proudly, as he lugged the large wooden speakers into the house.I just stood there in amazement.”What IS it with guys and speakers?” I asked. “You already have, like, six pair around the house. And that doesn’t include the speakers you have stashed that aren’t even up!”Husband-Head just grinned and went back out to get the second speaker.It must be an electronic thing, because he does the same thing with TV’s. We have a TV in the bedroom, the living room, two in his playhouse and one outside.And the new speakers prompted Husband-Head to add yet another satellite receiver.”I used the receiver and speakers for the outside TV to hook up my TV’s in the playhouse,” he informed me. “So now I need another receiver for outside.”He called our satellite company and they said they’d send someone out in a few days. They also informed us that, in addition to the installation charge, our new bill would be over $100 a month.It was around 3 p.m. on a Wednesday that the satellite dude came knocking on the door.The dogs, of course, barked furiously at the strange man.”Don’t worry, they’re friendly,” I said as I tried to hold the pair of 100-plus-pound animals back.””No, no,” he said vehemently, shaking his head and refusing to come in. “I like dog, but no.”I couldn’t throw the dogs outside, because that’s where he was going to be working to put in the receiver, and I couldn’t leave them inside because he was going to be walking through the house to get his equipment.So I had to lock them in the upstairs bedroom, which they were NOT happy about.I let the TV guy in and quickly became aware that he was foreign. I determined this by the fact that I couldn’t understand a single word he said.I led him to the outside kitchen and pointed to the spot where the TV was.”Why you want it outside?” TV man asked.”Why you care where we put our friggin’ TV?” I thought. “Maybe it’s because we have one in practically every room of the house and my husband has an electrical fetish?”TV man, who for some reason felt it necessary to call me “Mish” when it was clear that I was a “MishUSH,” went back and forth from his truck.I tried to continue working and was waiting for several return phone calls, but still trying to be there in case TV man needed anything.Meanwhile, the dogs were pitching a fit being locked up in the room, barking out the upstairs window.”HELP!” I could almost hear them saying. “We’re being held hostage! Let us out!”TV man, on the other hand, had now pulled up a chair and was having a heated argument on his cell phone with whoever spoke his language.At first I thought it was Spanish. Then German. Then French. Then Pig-Latin. I’ve lived in Europe and studied languages in school, but this was nothing I’ve ever heard.When he finally got off the phone, he came into the kitchen and asked if he could use our land line to call the satellite company.”Eees a free call,” he assured me. Yeah, well then why can’t you make it from your own phone? I’m trying to work here.I called Husband-Head at work from my cell phone.”Thanks a bunch,” I sighed. “Your stupid receiver is being installed and I can’t work because the technician is on our phone arguing with his relatives in Ukraine. That is, if he even IS the technician from the satellite company. It could be just some dude in a mini-van with a ladder strapped on top.”But in the end, TV man finally got off the phone and told me everything was done.And now we can watch four different programs on five different TVs all at the same time.Husband-Head gets a nickel next time he wants to go yard-saling.Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com.
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Sticks in the mud. Overly cautious. Obstacles to progress.