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Citizens for the elimination of campaign ads

“Yes, it’s finally OVER!” I shouted excitedly to husband-head the other morning. “It’s done ” it’s finished. Life can get back to normal!”

Husband-head raised a quizzical eyebrow.

“Are we talking about your monthly cycle or football season?” husband-head asked nonchalantly. “Because if you’re talking about football, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. We still have several months to go, sister.”



“No, I’m talking about the election,” I corrected him. “I’m just glad the election is done.”

It wasn’t the end of the election itself that made me so happy ” it was the fact that there would be NO MORE ANNOYING CAMPAIGN ADS.



Granted, I understand that some of the most obnoxious ads are also those that are best remembered, but do you really want me to hate you before I’ve even voted?

For example, one of the most irritating ads on television ” in Colorado, anyway ” had to be that between Marilyn Musgrave and Angie Paccione, who were both running for a seat in Congress.

Their ads were vicious and mean-spirited as each slung mud at the other.

“If I hear the phrase ‘out of touch’ one more time between these women, I’m going to scream,” I told husband-head when their advertisements were aired back-to-back on TV. “If you ask me, they’re both out of touch for not realizing how awful they sound.”

The good part being that if you didn’t know where the mute button on the remote control was before, you do now.

“You know, they should have just given each of those women some boxing gloves and let them go at it or have them mud wrestle to proclaim the winner,” I suggested. “That would have been way more entertaining.”

Husband-head seemed to like that idea.

Appropriate background music would have included Alice Cooper’s “No More Mister Nice Guy” …

Then there was Bill Ritter’s ad for governor of Colorado. Raised on a farm … worked his way through school … one of 12 children in his family …

That’s all great, but wait a minute ” 12 children?

Forget the “Colorado Promise” ” birth control would have been my platform if I were him.

His opponent, Bob Beauprez, didn’t do much better.

“Elections must be getting close, there’s that smell again ” that’s politics,” he said in one TV ad, in which he’d clearly lost the suit and tie for jeans and a cowboy hat in order to look the part of a Colorado cowboy.

Except for the fact that he’s standing with a pitch-fork in his hand in front of a barn at the ass-end of a horse.

Ummm, Bob, that might not be politics you’re smelling.

It intrigued me that many of the campaign ads featured the candidate sitting or walking with other people while the candidate chatted on and on about what they would do if elected.

But if you looked past the candidate at the other people in the ad, they appeared to be completely bored as they just nodded their heads in agreement and remained silent.

“John, do you have any nail clippers?” one extra probably whispered to the other in between shots.

“Sure thing, Fred. Hey, do I have anything in my nose?” John likely answered, lifting up his head.

In their minds, they were probably both calculating what it would take to join the Screen Actors Guild so they could be in a REAL commercial.

“If you were running for public office, what kind of ad would you put together?” I asked husband-head. “Would you be nasty and annoying in your commercial?”

He thought about it for a moment.

“No, I would wear a yellow cheesehead hat and promise free bratwursts to everyone at Lambeau Field if the Packers won,” husband-head said decidedly. “My platform would be to replace the hamburger with cheese curds as the national food and put pictures of cows on all of our money.”

The sad part is that husband-head would probably win.

But, for the time being, we are once again free from annoying political ads.

I’m Heidi Rice and I approve this column.

Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.


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