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Comparing bucket lists with the one you love

Heidi Rice
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked Husband-Head curiously as we sat and rocked on the front porch on a hot summer evening with our cocktails.

“What do you mean, ‘when I grow up,'” Husband-Head replied. “That’s a stupid question – I’m in my 40’s for Pete’s sake. I think this is it.”

Maybe, but why is it that sometimes when I look at Husband-Head, the old Toys ‘R’ Us jingle comes to mind. …



“I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys ‘R’ Us kid…there’s a million toys at Toys ‘R’ Us that I can play with! From bikes to trains to video games, it’s the biggest toy store there is. I don’t wanna grow up, and even if I did…I wanna be a Toys ‘R’ Us kid!”

This was recently evidenced when Husband-Head, who shops regularly on Craig’s List, came home with an “Xbox” – a video game console that plays a variety of interactive games that included everything from a “Road Rage” Homer Simpson game to NFL football and the World Poker Tour. “Ow! My ass!” Homer Simpson screams on the game as his car smashes into other vehicles and drives up and over people’s lawns.



But I still wanted an answer.

“What do you want to do before you die?” I rephrased the question, making it more middle-aged friendly.

“You mean like a bucket list?” Husband-Head asked with a laugh. “Actually, I haven’t made one yet.”

He was referring to the 2007 movie “The Bucket List” starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in which each was diagnosed with a terminal illness and made lists of things they wanted to do before they “kicked the bucket.”

“You make a list of 10, and I’ll make mine,” I suggested. “And then we’ll compare and see if we can complete them.”

Husband-Head scrawled for a while and then handed me a piece of paper.

1. Go to a Super Bowl

2. Host Saturday Night Live

3. Ride the most bad-ass roller coaster out there

4. Oktoberfest in Germany

5. Carnival in Rio

6. Heli-ski in New Zealand

7. Build a Rat Rod

8. St. Patrick’s Day in a pub in Ireland

9. Paint my masterpiece

I laughed at the list until I got to the last one.

10. Marry a woman who doesn’t write about me

“Wait a minute – that’s not fair!” I protested. “You knew what I did for a living when you married me!”

In response, Husband-Head stuck out his hand, wanting to see my list of things I want to do or see before I croak.

1. Relaxing on a white sand beach with aqua water in Tahiti wearing a coconut bra.

2. Be a chef on the FoodNetwork channel and make recipes where the main ingredients are dark chocolate and red wine.

3. Take a cooking class in Tuscany.

4. See comedian Jim Gaffigan in person while munching on a Hot Pocket.

5. Hear a news broadcast that NFL football has been cancelled for the season and watch Husband-Head’s reaction.

6. Catch Husband-Head in his playhouse trying to “moon walk” when he thinks nobody is looking.

7. Discover whether mental illness really runs in my family or if it afflicts only certain family members …

8. Tell my editor that, no (yawn) … I just don’t feel like writing anything today.

9. Write a book called “Off the Record” that reveals all the comments and quotes from government officials that they’ve told me in confidence over the years and then invest in a bullet-proof vest …

10. Find a damn bra in the Victoria’s Secret catalog that might actually look right on a real woman.

“Those are some lofty goals,” Husband-Head said, raising an eyebrow. “And I sure don’t like the one about cancelling the NFL season.”

“Well, I wasn’t crazy about the last one on your list, either,” I huffed.

“You didn’t read all the way to the bottom,” Husband-Head pointed out on the paper.

The addendum at the end of his list simply said, “Be forgiven for #10.”

Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Her book collection of columns, “Skully Says SHUT IT!” is available for purchase at the Post Independent or through her website at http://www.heidirice.com, amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.


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