Feeling a bit bombarded with bodily functions
The year was 1976. There I was, sitting on the couch with a boy in the near darkness, watching “Saturday Night Live.” I had a big crush on this guy and he’d finally asked me out. There we were, almost touching.Suddenly, I wished I could be anywhere else on earth. The show broke for a commercial and on it came: an advertisement for a – make it not so – feminine product. Mortified? That doesn’t even begin to explain the awkwardness of a teenage girl within earshot of a commercial describing womanly issues, circa the ’70s. When I look back now, I realize those spunky commercials were nothing compared to the deluge of uninvited messages we endure today. And now that I’m a grown, mature (well, that’s debatable) woman, I realize that even though I don’t have the same mortified reaction I had to these kinds of ads as when I was 16, it occurs to me that we’re getting so many more of them. And besides that, the subject areas are expanding. This morning, for example, as I do every weekday morning, I got to work, and checked my messages and e-mail. As per the norm, the subject line of several e-mails addressed to me were so explicit, I can’t repeat them here. Let’s suffice it to say they had a lot to do with making one part of me bigger (apparently, the senders assumed I was a man). Now, let’s understand that these messages are completely unsolicited. In addition, my company spends oodles of money and time on spam protection, heading hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of these e-mails off of our servers. Still, some get through. Is this our fate? Will we have to be continually subjected to smutty repartee every time we check our e-mail? I don’t want to look at that. In TV land, it’s not particularly smutty, but about as personal as you can get. “Erectile dysfunction” is now a phrase anyone who has turned a television on during the past few years knows well. We’ve all seen the cute older couple with gray hair holding hands while sitting in side-by-side clawfoot bathtubs. That’s great they’re having fun, but I don’t really want to go there with them. I’d like to fast-forward 30 years to see if mass e-mails and TV commercials promoting enhancements and enlargements will still be as popular as they are today. In the meantime, I sure feel for all the teenage girls sitting next to their boyfriends when those female commercials come on. But hey, maybe I’m out of it. Maybe it doesn’t bother them. Carrie Click is the editor and general manager of The Citizen Telegram in Rifle, citizentelegram.com. She wonders what the people look like who create those gross mass e-mails advertising all sorts of body functions. Carrie can be reached at 625-3245, ext. 16770, firstname.lastname@example.org.
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