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Fudd

Republicans have won control of the Senate. For those of you who are subscribers to Republican philosophy, congratulations. Victory is sweet. Smack your lips, slosh it around your tongue and savor it with joy.

For those of you who do not necessarily like the idea of being under the thumb of Republican control, there’s a self-emancipating organization now forming that may identify with your present state-of-mind. As the founding member of “Workers Enduring Republican Extremism, Tacitly Obeying All Stinkin’ Tyrants” (WE’RE TOAST), I invite you to commiserate with me over the shift in political power.

In an election that was noisier than a sack full of whistling lips, President Bush’s message got through loud and clear. War is more important than the three E’s; economy, education and environment. His war machine is on a roll.



The president has been rolling since Sept. 11. With courage borrowed from the masses, he’s actuated the fears spinning through the minds of Americans, and this election proves that voters are now ready to flip a fiery switch on Iraq. I think we’re still trying to get even for Sept. 11, but don’t expect we’ll get ahead this way.

The war on terrorism is not a winnable war any more than the war on drugs was a winnable war. They are both noble causes, but let’s not kid ourselves. Anyone with a grudge and a weapon can become a terrorist just as easy as any teenager in America can get drugs if they choose to.



Tools of violence forged in the furnace of violence will only lead to more violence. Our presumably victorious assault in Afghanistan has inspired a wave of terrorism throughout the world. There have been attacks in Kuwait, in Yemen, in Pakistan, the Phillippines, Bali and Afghanistan. New terrorist cells are forming and recruiting fresh members in Europe, Africa, China, Indonesia, the Persian Gulf and elsewhere. There have been more attacks in the past month than in the previous nine months.

After we invade Iraq, are we going to invade all of those other countries? What about North Korea? I hope the President knows what the heck he’s doing, if not, we’re setting ourselves up for a nasty future.

For those of you out there who didn’t bother to vote, there was a super-secret-surprise question on the bottom of the ballot called Referendum F. It said, “Do you want the people who don’t vote to pay your income taxes next year?”

I’d like to thank everyone who didn’t vote because I voted “yes” on that one. My opinion is probably more important than yours anyway, and it’s nice of you to recognize this fact and to let me make those important decisions for you.

Because this ballot question was a super-secret-surprise, the results will not be available until next January.

The functions of a democratic society are such a bother, aren’t they?

And speaking of bothers, how about that negative ad campaign between Wayne Allard and Tom Strickland? The public misinformation department was working overtime for these guys. Political campaigns are usually full of the mandatory jive, but these guys deserve a medal for the most ethically unsavory personal attacks ever compiled by politicians in Colorado. These guys were kicking up more mud than four-wheelers in a stock pond.

Half-truths are still lies, aren’t they?

It’s a pitiful state of affairs when millions of dollars are spent and the best thing you can say about your candidate is that he’s not nearly as slimy as the other candidate. The lowest common denominator was in the negative digits between these two. It may have been a race between a workhorse and a showhorse, but in the end, it all comes out horse manure, doesn’t it?

Shovelingly,

Bernie

President of “WE’RE TOAST”

Silt Chapter

“The most complete revenge is not to imitate the aggressor.”

– Marcus Antoninus

President of the Silt Chapter, WE’RE TOAST, Bernie Boettcher’s column runs every other Thursday in the Post Independent.


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