Getting older is a little bit funny
Here, this came in the mail for you, I said, shoving a letter into Husband-Heads hands as he sat down after work. I think youll enjoy it.I stood there with my arms folded over my chest and smiled, waiting for him to open it.If this is the credit card bill with all your new charges, youre a very brave woman to keep standing there, Husband-Head said, eyeballing the letter with suspicion.I continued to smile and didnt say a word.He ripped open the envelope and looked at the letter with surprise.What? Why am I getting this? he asked, with a somewhat shocked expression. This cant be right. They must have me mixed up with someone else.I tried my best not to laugh.Why the hell am I getting a letter from the AARP? he demanded to know, looking at the little membership card that came with the letter. Im not anywhere NEAR retirement age!Those of you who were born after 1975 probably arent familiar with the AARP. You probably also dont recognize songs from that era that include the highlight of Elton Johns pop music career such as Your Song, Crocodile Rock or Bennie and the Jets. You probably dont remember the groups K.C. and the Sunshine Band, the Bee Gees, Earth, Wind & Fire or the Eagles, and its pretty likely that you didnt dance The Hustle in your high school gym class. Im betting that until recently, you probably didnt know what Chuck Taylors were, dont have a clue as to the fashion abomination that was known as elephant pants and its highly unlikely that you own days of the week panties or toe socks.So for those who dont know, AARP stands for the American Association of Retired Persons, which is a national nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that offers benefits and discounts to people 50 years of age and over.But I have several years to go before I qualify, Husband-Head protested loudly. They should be sending stuff like this to you!Im not 50, either, but they sent me the same letter last week, I laughed, amused that even though Husband-Head is four years younger than me, he had already gotten his.Husband-Head was visibly upset that he had been lumped into a group of potential AARP members.You set this up, didnt you? he accused me. They wouldnt have sent this if you hadnt.For once, I was actually innocent.But look at all the advantages of being a member, I pointed out, trying to look on the bright side. Look at all the benefits and discounts you get for only $12.50 per year! The benefits included a magazine that featured a couple with completely gray hair on the cover that was most interesting and helpful to everyone over 50, along with discounts on airfare, hotel, bus tours, car rentals and cruises.There were also benefits that included hearing aids, glasses and safe driving courses.Youre the one who needs all those things, Husband-Head said irritably. You cant see OR hear. Has it ever dawned on you why no one will ever let you drive?Say WHAT?And since when is a normal person able to retire at the age of 50? Husband-Head continued, not amused at all about the whole thing. I dont know anyone who has.I know, I had to agree. Theyre saying that nowadays 50 is the new 30, which would mean that people shouldnt retire until theyre 85. …But the information insisted that this was a good gig for the 76 million baby boomers in the United States.Nope, were just going to pretend this never came in, Husband-Head decided as he crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room. Were not ready for this yet.Just then the phone rang and I picked it up off the coffee table.Hello? I answered.There was no answer. Hello? Who IS this? I said, getting impatient.Husband-Head sat there looking at me in disbelief.Thats the remote control to the TV you dummy, he said, laughing and shaking his head as he handed me the real phone. Its a little bit funny…this feeling inside…Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Meet Heidi and Husband-Head at a book signing of her new book, Skully Says Shut It!: Life, Love and Laughter with Husband-Head, from 1-3 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 29, at the Sanborn Studio, 110 E. Third St. in Rifle. Books will be available for sale.
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