Here comes the bride …
In the words of Christopher Walken from “Saturday Night Live,” “I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more wedding bells.” OK, he really didn’t say wedding bells. More like the bovine variety of percussion instruments. But it’s fun to watch my boyfriend squirm.Funny how wedding fever can make a man sweat.Over the weekend, I exercised the time-honored tradition of walking down the aisle. But this time I was a bridesmaid. Hair was up-done. Eye make-up was coated on. And tears were randomly shed.Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.As a former blushing bride, I know how big a wedding day can be for a woman. That 24-hour time slot isn’t touted as the most important day of a bride’s life for nothing.
Loving, honoring and cherishing till death do you part is as serious as it sounds.Unless you’re Elizabeth Taylor.But maybe she’s on to something. Weddings sure are a lot of fun – especially the getting all dolled-up part. What girl doesn’t love that?Plus just think of all those fabulous diamonds.What I most enjoy about weddings is the camaraderie formed with the bride and her attendants. You know you’re really close with a girlfriend when you share mascara, lip gloss and breast enhancers.Boyfriends, not so much.The formal wedding party is a tradition – according to a website called essortment.com – dating back to old Roman law. At least 10 witnesses (i.e., bridesmaids and groomsmen) were required to dress identical to the bride and groom to keep evil, mischief-causing spirits from deciphering who was really getting married.Just think of the fun with a cross-dressing couple.The mischief-causing spirits at the historic hotel where Kristin’s wedding was hosted knew the difference. And I think they had the most fun with me and the maid of honor, Kendra.
Yes, Ray Parker, we are afraid of ghosts.Especially the kind that turn on lamps out of the blue and make white noise in the middle of the night. We found out the hard way we’re both screamers when scared and sleep deprived.Luckily our 13-year-old junior bridesmaid, Alex, was not sleeping in the suite that night. She would quite possibly be traumatized forever. Apparently I’ve really got some lungs on me.I wonder if any guests thought we were crazy screaming ghost ladies. … Equally as scary for Kendra’s boyfriend, Dane, is when she caught the bouquet at the reception. That little tradition should mean she’s the next to marry.Lucky for Dane, I’ve got the fever now.After an innocent lover’s quarrel between those two love birds, we held a private re-throw. And this time I caught the bouquet. So, by default, I’m technically the next to marry. Except the thought of getting hitched again scares the bejesus out of me.Maybe Elizabeth Taylor can give me some pointers.I am going to advise Kendra never to re-enact old-school jump-rope moves in a strapless bridesmaid dress again. While showing us why she was a former international jump-rope competitor, she accidentally flashed what her momma gave her to a our friend’s boyfriend Jono. And some random guy.
Now she’s more like the maid of dishonor.Or Cinderella, since she lost one of her shoes during the reception. I’m just glad Kendra took care of the day’s embarrassing moments, leaving me to impress guests with the Running Man and other outdated dance moves.Probably a good thing I skipped the “Flashdance” routine.By passing the perpetual bridal bouquet torch, Kendra and Kristin have left me with the fortitude to believe in marriage again. To not fear the institution of marriage, even if it’s my second go-around. To trust that people do love, honor and cherish each other till death do they part.Even if it takes a trial run or two. Or seven.My parents have been at it for 35 years, celebrating the anniversary of their big day this month. They’ve still got the fever.Just like Kristin and Michael.April E. Clark wishes the Algrens a lifetime of love and happiness. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Sticks in the mud. Overly cautious. Obstacles to progress.