If you don’t have a day, make one up!
“Are you really going to work in your UNDERWEAR?” I asked husband-head when he came downstairs the other morning clad only in a T-shirt and a pair of Fruit-of-the-Loom undies.”Yeah,” he shrugged. “The boss is out of town today and everybody in the office is only wearing their underwear to work. In fact, I think it’s ‘National Underwear Day.'”Had I known, I would have bleached his skivvies to make them more presentable in public.”Are people going to wear, like, THONG undies?” I asked, trying to imagine everyone in his office running around in their unmentionables.”Ummm, maybe some of the girls might, which would be cool,” husband-head said, the little wheels of his imagination churning around in his head. “But I sure hope none of the guys do.”Not that there’s anything wrong with thong underwear. I just don’t know a whole lot of people who would look good running around in them for all the world to see.But thankfully, he was just yanking my chain about “National Underwear Day” and proceeded to find a clean pair of khaki shorts in the laundry room, which he put on before he left.Not that it’s unusual for husband-head to create his own holidays.
Every now and then I will designate an evening in which I make one of his favorite meals for dinner, draw him a hot bath and bathe him, give him a massage and basically cater to his every whim and desire.”YES!” he will cry out gleefully, clapping his hands. “It’s PAUL RICE NIGHT!”After he finishes his macaroni and cheese with hot dogs in it, I’ll draw the tub using plenty of Mr. Bubble for his bathing entertainment and wash his hair with Shrek shampoo.”I LIKE it!” he squeals with delight. “MORE!”When the bath is done, I will towel him off and put him in his favorite comfortable shorts and tank top – both of which look like they’ve been gnawed on by a family of mice.”You’re such a good boy!” I will acknowledge in the same tone of voice I use when the dogs do their duty outside instead of on the carpet. “I’m so PROUD of you!”As a reward, I’ll make him an ice cream sundae with little colored sprinkles on top.But “Paul Rice Night” is not half as weird as some of the other holidays we have discovered.”Check it out – June 16th is supposed to be ‘National Hollerin’ Contest Day,'” I told husband-head.
“Sign up,” he immediately said. “You’ll win hands down.”June 17 was listed as “Eat Your Vegetables Day,” June 18 is “International Panic Day,” June 21 is “Cuckoo Warning Day,” June 26 is “National Chocolate Pudding Day,” and June 27 is “National Columnists Day.””I like pudding day,” husband-head agreed wholeheartedly. “And the cuckoo warning is appropriate the week before your column comes out.”I considered starting my own “Smack Your Smartass Husband Day.”Along with the days, the month of June is also designated as National Accordion Awareness Month, National Ice Tea Month and National Fight The Filthy Fly Month.You could combine the two if the filthy fly is found floating in your iced tea.But on this particular weekend, I was trying to think of something to do to honor husband-head and all he does for me and our four-legged family.”Honey, what do you want for Father’s Day?” I asked nonchalantly as I perused through some catalogs.
Husband-head looked at me in horror with great big eyes.”No, no, no,” I assured him. “It’s OK. But you are ‘Papa’ to the pets, you know, and we want to do something special for you on your day.”Husband-head let out an audible sigh of relief.”Buy me a steak to grill and buy yourself some birth control – my treat,” he summed up. “That would make me happy.”It dawned on me that any day could be made into a holiday of your choosing.National Pick Your Nose Day! National Call in Sick To Work Even Though You’re Not Day!The possibilities are endless.Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.
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