I’m not a girl, not yet a woman | PostIndependent.com

I’m not a girl, not yet a woman

April E. Clark

Lately, life has me doing the Time Warp again.But unlike the song from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” being stuck in this time slip is not so dreamy.And there aren’t any pelvic thrusts to drive me insane.Don’t I wish.I’m stuck in this strange “tween” stage that I should have gone through like 23 years ago. But since I have a horrible habit of being late to practically everything, here I am.A tweener.And not proud of it.I came to this self-realization after reading about a new book that came out last month titled “Between: A Girl’s Guide to Life.” The book focuses on issues pre-teen girls and April Clark and her friends face today. Some of the topics in the book read a lot like my life here in Glenwood, where the social scene seems a little reminiscent of middle school.One of the issues the book deals with is gossip and the “mean girls” syndrome. I can’t really complain about gossip because I’m as guilty as anyone for participating. Some of my friends are divas of gossip I won’t name names because that in turn would make me a gossip diva myself.It’s a vicious cycle, that gossip mill. I blame it on my upbringing in a town worthy of a John Mellencamp song.You can take the girl out of a small town, but you can’t take the small town out of the girl.My problem is, I’m a gossip’s dream. I’m living proof that having a crush on someone is not limited to being 12. Unfortunately, most actions associated with having a crush can be as embarrassing as starting your period for the first time in white pants (or, for the guys, buying feminine products for your girlfriend or wife).To further avoid embarrassment, I think we should bring back the passing of love notes. “Will you go with me?” and “Check ‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ or ‘Maybe”” could be lifesavers for my social life.Think about it all the single people would save all that time trying to figure out whether or not there’s a match made on eHarmony. And it would save money on all those failed first dates that can a run a girl $30 for her share of the meal.Just because it’s called a “Dutch treat” doesn’t mean it’s a good time.One of the chapters in the book also talks about what to do when your best friend is boy crazy. That’s the story of my eighth-grade school year. Taking a look back, I’m pretty sure my best friend’s boyfriend did not sneak in her window in the middle of the night to “talk,” like she told her mom before being grounded.I’m happy to say I didn’t start “talking” until quite a bit later.The boy crazy topic, too, applies to girls of all ages. Except the adult version would be “What to do when your best friend is a tramp.” I say let her lie in the bed she unmade. Unless you find out she’s been making out with your ex-boyfriend. Then you’ll need to pass a note to properly give her a piece of your mind.”Between” also helps with the nightmare of tween body image, which, I hate to admit, never gets old. The book answers the question of “why tweens should thank God for their bod.” Unless I’m going to magically transform into Jessica Alba in the next week, I think the only thing I’m thanking God for is my good health.Unlike parents of tweens, my mom and dad don’t have to worry about me growing up too fast. I was a late bloomer back then, and it seems life has me stuck in time once more.Maybe I’ll blossom again soon.April E. Clark hated the awkward tween and middle-school stages of her life and is hoping to graduate to the fun high school and college years of her thirties soon. She can be reached at 945-8515, ext. 16601.

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