In a paranormal state of mind |

In a paranormal state of mind

April E. Clark
Post Independent
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado

Another Friday the 13th has come to pass and I’m reminded of how much I love being scared.

So much for getting a good night’s sleep.

I’m lacking enough therapy to pinpoint exactly why I enjoy watching shows such as “Paranormal State” and “Ghost Adventures.” True, I’m a glutton for the punishment of being freaked out on a weekly basis. And maybe I am the world’s biggest sucker for believing ghosts and paranormal activity exist.

Like horny teenagers to a lake boathouse during a camp bloodbath, I just can’t resist.

I credit my dad ” aptly nicknamed “Monster Dave” by a family friend’s daughter when she was about 4 years old ” for desperately seeking scary situations.

Stephen King might have a little something to do with it, too.

I’ll never forget that floating vampire kid scratching at the window in the mini-series “Salem’s Lot,” adapted from his novel. The creepy twin girl ghosts in “The Shining” aren’t exactly the girls next door, either.

Who knew spelling murder backwards could be so darn scary?

Always looking to pull off a Stephen King-inspired spook, Monster Dave is known to hide behind doors and scare the living daylights out of unsuspecting souls. He pretty much has it down to a scream-inducing science. Monster Dave also has a tarantula collection and an arsenal of horror flicks that could creep out even the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

I hear he’s not easily spooked.

Watching scary movies with my dad is a blast. His timing in finding the perfect moment to scare anyone in the room is impeccable. He took the haunted mansion ride at Disney World to a whole new level.

So it’s really no surprise that in high school, my best friend Misty and I decided to scare ourselves silly with a “Friday the 13th” movie marathon. Or that I recently stayed the night at a Glenwood Springs hotel famous for hauntings with my friend Kendra and her high school-age brother Alex strictly to ghost hunt. I still don’t know what that thumping sound was in the hallway that vibrated our door when I held my ear to it. I also wonder how that lamp turned on all by itself when Kendra wasn’t anywhere close to the switch on its base.

Skeptics would point to wiring. Monster Dave would suggest otherwise.

With the popularity of horror novels and movies and reality TV series based on paranormal activity, maybe I should consider a career change. Break on through to the dark side. On Friday, March 13, the E! Network premiered its new show, “Hot Girls in Scary Places.” In the show, University of Southern California cheerleaders sleep over at a “haunted” hospital. I’m thinking I could pitch the idea for my new show, “Neurotic Girls in Unbelievably Scary Places.”

Think three Velmas, not Daphnes. And pick truly frightening locations ” as opposed to an empty hospital that’s really not that scary ” such as a creepy cemetery in Savannah, Ga. A real-life torture chamber. The “Rock of Love” tour bus after a heavy night of tequila shots.

Or the bathroom at an all-you-can-eat truck stop taco bar.

Tune in as we arrive late to the taping, stress about how late we were, get in a fight about how late we were, chew on what nails we have left, chew on the lone antacid we find at the bottom of our purses, and basically freak out about the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into that episode. All because we love to be scared.

Hosted by none other than Monster Dave himself.

April E. Clark hasn’t touched a ouija board since her ’80s permed, hairsprayed locks caught on fire from the candle lighting the room. She can be reached at

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