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Left without a team to root for

I’m a sore loser.This week, it really hurts to be April in Glenwood.And not because I bit it hard trying to unload off the Segundo lift at Sunlight wearing one ski.Slalom is not how I swing.This gut-wrenching feeling is thanks to my favorite football team’s loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers Sunday. The upset left my tummy feeling as if I just ate a Tabasco-covered pig gizzard.It’s like “Fear Factor” without the buxom blonde aspiring-actress-type performing daredevil stunts in a bikini. More like a broke brunette trying to make a quick buck in a bar bet.I don’t care what anyone says, $20 is $20.I rarely cry over sporting events, or spilled milk for that matter – unless I’m eating chocolate chip cookies – but Sunday sent my emotions reeling.OK, I’ll admit to shedding a few tears during “One Shining Moment” at the end of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.But who hasn’t?There was that one time I lost an extremely tense game of croquet to my brother and the mallet – and expletives – went flying through the air like one of John McEnroe’s racquets at the U.S. Open. Swearing while throwing sporting equipment can really be therapeutic.This week is especially painful for me because, as an Indianapolis Colts fan, I really thought we were going to the Big Game.Ahh, the Super Bowl, where breasts (or is that singular?) are exposed to millions of young viewers and beer commercials are more popular than the game itself.I wonder if “wardrobe malfunction” is the universally accepted excuse for girls who discover themselves on “Girls Gone Wild” videos.For the first time since I can remember, the Colts looked to be headed to the Super Bowl and ultimately Disney World, because that’s where millionaire athletes apparently love to vacation after they cash in their winnings.Linemen are suckers for Mickey Mouse.I’ve been a Colts fan since 1984, when the team “relocated” to Indy (Baltimore Colts fans might call the move more like a “steal in the middle of the night,” but that’s an entirely different story.) I can hardly believe I’ve spent 22 years rooting for a team that has yet to be in a Super Bowl.I’m not sure if that’s good (horse) sense or not.Now that I live in Colorado, it seems I am expected to pledge allegiance to the Denver Broncos, a team that has actually won a pair of Super Bowls, instead of pine for it.After the Steeler spanking, the question people wanted to know when I showed up for work (I considered sulking at home for the remainder of January) was, “Are you a Broncos fan now?”And such is my dilemma.Which team do I root for?Do I rally for the team that corralled my Colts en route to the Super Bowl because I’m not a Bronco fan? Or do I cheer for the Broncos, who could beat the team who beat my team, because I’m not a Steeler fan?If life couldn’t be hard enough that my TV decides to go kaput when I’m stuck at home with a cold and sinus infection all weekend – now this.I am officially a Colorado resident, and I plan to stay awhile, so I could technically jump on the Denver bandwagon. But then I can’t really refer to the Broncos as the Donkeys anymore, which can be tricky when drinking with Denver die-hards at Butch’s.Come to think of it, the Colts could be called the Donkeys after getting trampled on Sunday.I certainly don’t have any plans to be a fair-weather Steeler fan either. So I’m left a sore loser without a team to cheer in the Super Bowl.I guess that’s better than being left surprised without a shirt in front of millions of television viewers in the Super Bowl.Now that would really hurt.April E. Clark admits to having a little bit of a crush on Peyton Manning, even though the chance she will ever meet him is slim to none. She can be reached at 945-8515, ext. 518 or aclark@postindependent.com.


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