Making Halloween with skeletons and midgets
Why is there a midget standing at our front door? I asked Husband-Head. And where did he come from?Husband-Head just shrugged. Hes a midget butler I met in the store who is going to help me hand out Halloween candy tonight, he said. You got something against midgets?No, but every time I go out the door to get the mail or the newspaper, the guy starts yelling and scares the crap out of me.I may be short in stature … but Im not short of candy! the little three-foot tall man yells, dressed in pin-striped pants and a black suit jacket.The little guy holds a big bowl of candy that Husband-Head has obviously filled for him.Take this large treat in the middle, the midget butler urges. Ive been saving it just for you. …Passing the butler on the way to the mail box, I was next assaulted by a very unhappy Halloween character.OK … Ive got a REAL emergency here. … OPEN THE DOOR! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!It was a little white plastic skeleton hanging with his hands shackled in what looks like a bird cage.Open the DOOR! he continued to scream as he rattled around and shook the cage. GET … ME … OUT OF HERE … NOW! Im NOT KIDDING!Then there are the floating heads including a witch, a skeleton and an evil pumpkin which appear on a TV screen that peers through a hole in a stand-up coffin Husband-Head made which sits on the front porch and says a bunch of spooky things.The kids are going to be scared, yet again, I sighed. Well be lucky if they make it to the front door.But its all part of Husband-Heads annual Halloween decorations, that include orange lights, headstones, skeletons, blow-up pumpkins, black cats and skeleton tiki torch lights.Wow, this place looks like Disneyland, a friend said when he stopped over and looked around. A person would think you guys have kids.No, we dont, I affirmed.Then I corrected myself.Actually, yes, … I seem to have one.That evening, my child I mean, Husband-Head came home with even more decorations.Score! he said as he came through the door. I got the last of the Halloween decorations at the store now all they have is Christmas stuff!He then proceeded to place his new blinking-light bloodshot eyeballs in front of the headstones. …Now we have to go buy pumpkins, Husband-Head determined. Its time to carve.Off to the store we went, where Husband-Head picked out our pumpkins. When we got home, we took them out to the playhouse and set them on newspapers to carve.This is gross, I said, trying to scoop out the guts of my pumpkin. Im not sure I like this at all.Husband-Head, on the other hand, was enjoying the gutting process.See how Im throwing this stuff all over Britney Spears face? he said with a laugh as he plopped a portion of pumpkin pulp on the entertainment section.Actually, the beginning of our relationship can be traced back to pumpkin carving. Husband-Head and I met just a few weeks before Halloween and spent one of our first dates sitting on the front steps of my apartment building carving pumpkins.Little did I know what a big part of our relationship and marriage Halloween would become.Through the years he has dressed us up in a number of different costumes including A Salt and Battery, Mr. & Mrs. Bubble and Calvin and Hobbes.Another Halloween tradition in the Rice household is to watch Tim Burtons The Nightmare Before Christmas. Making Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Husband-Head will sing along to the movie whether its playing or not while he decorates.Just then, he was drowned out by the screaming skeleton rattling the cage.OK … Jokes over! HA-HA-HA! it yelled. OPEN THE DOOR!Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Glenwood Springs Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. She recently had a book of previous columns published titled Skully Says Shut It!. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com.
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