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Married . WithOUT Children

Heidi Rice

Despite what it may seem sometimes, there is a certain natural law and order to the universe which governs that which does and does not belong together.

For instance, things like salt and pepper belong together; Donny and Marie Osmond belong together; football games and beer belong together. .

There are other things that just naturally don’t complement each other well at all, such as oil and water; dogs and cats; Hooters restaurants and the airline industry .

Hooters restaurants and the airline industry?

Yes. According to recent news reports, it seems the owner of the famous Hooters restaurant chain, Robert H. Brooks, is considering buying the bankrupt Kansas City-based Vanguard Airlines Inc. and re-naming it “Hooters Air.”

If perhaps, you are not familiar with Hooters, it is a beach-theme restaurant known for its “Hooters Girls” – young buxom babes clad in tight tank tops and little orange shorts. The name “Hooters,” of course, referencing the company’s owl logo. .

“The Hooters Girls are like the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders or Sports Illustrated swimsuit models: They’re the all-American girl, and they’re famous,” Hooters of America Inc. describes its waitresses. “Managers hire women who best fit the all-American cheerleader image.”

Hooters even has its own magazine which features the Hooters Girls with their all-American average cheerleader measurements of 38-24-36. .

But you have to hand it to them – at least Hooters has the good sense to be honest in their description of themselves – “Delightully Tacky, Yet Unrefined.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves. .

Hooters claims that 70 percent of its clients are men, (what a SURPRISE!) with the average age ranging from 25 to 54. The rest, we assume, are either still in diapers, in prison or legally blind.

The company also boasts its “almost famous” chicken wings, although we are pretty sure the featured menu item could be chopped chicken liver gizzards and the customers wouldn’t notice the difference. . Who looks at their PLATE for Pete’s sake when they’re at Hooters?

Which is why Hooters is not the restaurant of choice for most women when going out for a romantic dinner with their husbands. .

However, the idea of an entire AIRLINE operated by the racy restaurant is a little unsettling.

Suddenly, there would be an unexplained increase in the number of business trips men across the country would need to take to whatever destination the airline flies.

“Stella,” Joe Businessman would say to his secretary. “Book me a flight to Atlanta this afternoon . and make it on Hooters Air. .”

“But sir, you just got off a Hooters flight from Atlanta fifteen minutes ago,” Stella would say suspiciously. “And besides, we don’t even DO business in Atlanta!”

Actually, when asked whether the Hooters Girls would be on the flights of the new airline, Brooks is quoted in one news report as saying, “Probably, but not as flight attendants.”

Well then, as WHAT? Pilots? Flotation devices?

“Simply put your arms around the flotation device and squeeze it tightly to your chest .” would put a whole new spin on the in-flight safety lecture. . In fact, the male portion of the plane would probably actually LISTEN to the safety presentation for the first time and ask for repeat demonstrations. .

We’re guessing that the in-flight meal would most likely be . chicken breasts . and the in-flight movie? – “Porkies.”

“What a GREAT idea!” husband-head said excitedly when he heard about the possibility of a Hooters Airline with Hooters Girls on board. “All the guys on the flight would just PRAY for turbulence!”

Some things just don’t belong together – including a plane full of men and Hooters Girls at 35,000 feet in the air. .

New Castle resident Heidi Rice’s column appears every Friday in the Post Independent. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com.


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