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Married . WithOUT Children

“I know what we’re going to be for Halloween this year,” husband-head said, as a lightbulb went off in his head while we were making up the bed.

He picked up one of the large, green, king-sized pillow cases and held it up.

“We’re going as pillows?” I asked doubtfully, although none of his Halloween costume ideas surprises me anymore.



“Nope . PICKLES!” he said enthusiastically. “We can go as giant pickles!”

Of course!



“And we’ll go to a party and be PICKLED pickles!” I agreed. “You can be `Dill’ and I’ll be `Sweet.'”

But I’ve become used to husband-head’s off-the-wall Halloween getups that he fashions for us each year. In the past, we’ve been a salt shaker and a battery (assault and battery), Calvin and Hobbes (with big paper mache heads), Mr. and Mrs. Bubble (with hundreds of pink and white balloons pinned to us) and Cereal Killers (white sweats with bandoliers strapped across the chest). .

He’s also been a “Spanish Fly,” dressed all in black, complete with wings and a sombrero; a garbage can with the lid as a hat and white wads of paper falling out of the can as “White Trash”; an ugly, bloody rubber mask on his head with golf tees glued all over it as the “Bogey Man.” . The list goes on and on. .

This year, a week prior to Halloween, I left on a short trip to San Francisco. I called husband-head over the weekend to check in and see how he was doing. He was in the midst of preparing to go to an early costume contest party that night at the local bowling alley.

“I’m making my costume right now,” he reported cheerfully. “It’s going to be cool!”

“Does it involve the hot glue gun?” I asked warily. “You’re not going to glue the cat again, are you?”

I was referring to an incident one year when the hot-glue-covered pieces of his costume accidentally got stuck all over the cat. .

“Yes, I’m using the hot-glue gun,” he admitted. “But I’m going to be SPONGEBOB!”

Along with kids aged 12 and under, “Spongebob Squarepants” is one of husband-head’s favorite TV shows.

For those of you not familiar with Spongebob, he is an animated cartoon character – a yellow sea sponge who lives at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean in a town called “Bikini Bottom” with all his little underwater friends, including his best friend, Patrick, a giant pink starfish. .

Who says people on drugs can’t create hit TV shows?

The next evening, husband-head called me in California to report the events of the previous night.

“It was scary,” he said. “I walked in and all the little kids immediately screamed, `SPONGEBOB!’ and started chasing me around.”

I laughed at the idea of husband-head dressed as a seven-foot-tall Spongebob Squarepants with a bunch of little kids following him around like the Pied Piper. .

One father asked husband-head if he would pose for a picture with his young son.

“And then ALL of the little kids wanted to have their photo taken with Spongebob,” husband-head said wearily. “Another parent asked if I could be rented out for birthday parties. .”

Overwhelmed by the reaction to his costume, husband-head left the party before the costume contest even began. .

When I got home from my trip, husband-head showed me his Spongebob costume, and I could completely understand why the kids went crazy. It looked EXACTLY like the popular cartoon character.

“I was walking down the street and someone in a car yelled out, `SPONGEBOB RULES!'” husband-head told me. “See? I’m not the only adult who likes Spongebob. .”

But we decided that instead of dressing up and going out this year for Halloween night, we’d stay home and hand out candy to the kids. Thank goodness, because I have a suspicion that I was going to have to be Patrick the pink starfish if we did. .

New Castle resident Heidi Rice’s column appears every Friday in the Post Independent. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com.


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