Married . WithOUT Children
“Take it OFF! Take it OFF! Take it OFF!” husband-head demanded feverishly. “And HURRY . I can’t stand it anymore!””OK, OK. . I’m going as fast as I can,” I assured him, thinking he was going to burst a blood vessel if he didn’t calm down.Husband-head was standing with his back to me and freaking out over the tag on the neck of his new T-shirt, which he wanted me to cut out.He’s always been neurotic about removing the tags from his shirts, insisting that they scratch the back of his neck. And not only must the tags be removed, all items of clothing must be washed before being worn – even though they are brand new – to remove any potential “itchiness.”And T-shirt tags aren’t the only thing that send him into a scratchy fervor – a haircut requires bathing and a complete change of clothing afterwards. .”MICRO-ITCHIES!” he’ll scream while getting into the shower, convinced that there are millions of little hairs still stuck to him.The Itchy and Scratchy Show!I asked his mother one time about his little clothing quirks, curious as to where they came from.”Well, that’s DUMB,” was all she said. “I certainly didn’t teach him that!”But apparently husband-head isn’t alone in his tag removal routine. The Hanes underwear company claims that results of a recent survey show that two out of every three men consider underwear T-shirt tags to be annoying and close to half of all men surveyed routinely rip or cut the tags out of their shirts.In response, the company has announced a new product line called “The Tagless T-shirt.””Men everywhere can now put down their scissors,” the advertising campaign says. “Hanes is eliminating this source of irritation, printing tag information directly on the T-shirt.”Speaking of irritating, may we suggest here that the Levi Strauss Co. follow suit and stop placing tags with the size of a woman’s jeans directly on her butt for all of the world to see?But Hanes is encouraging Americans to “Go Tagless” with the help of celebrity spokespeople such as Michael Jordan, Mr. T and Dick Clark – the latter of whom has probably been around since before T-shirts were even invented. .There’s only one problem with Hanes’ new product.Since retiring the tagged T-shirts, the company is now trying to figure out what to do with all the millions of leftover tags. They invited T-shirt wearers to help them decide what to do with the retired tags. Here were some of the suggested uses:-Surrender flags for Army men-Hang in a gallery as modern art-Nose covers to protect against sunburn-Placemats for Barbie dolls-Throw at the bride and groom-Luggage tags for people named “Hanes”-Patch holes in your jeans-Ticker tag parade”What would you do with the old tags?” I asked husband-head, while he was pouring through our tax forms.Husband-head didn’t hesitate.”I’d use them to pay the IRS,” husband-head said with a grimace. “They’re both annoying – they deserve each other. .”But why stop at T-shirts? Why not get rid of tags on everything?”Yeah, what’s up with the tag that comes on mattresses which threatens to send you to prison if you remove it?” husband-head questioned. “Do they have a posse of mattress police that come around and check your bedroom to see if you took the tag off?”Going braless may have been the style of the ’70s, but certainly being tagless is the new trend of today.Now about those tags on the outside of our Levis. .New Castle resident Heidi Rice’s column appears every Friday in the Post Independent. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.
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