Married . WithOUT Children
“Honey, are you SURE you don’t mind?” I asked husband-head for the final time.Husband-head was on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table, totally engrossed in a “shoot ’em up” movie.”Not at all,” he replied, without taking his eyes off the TV. “You go have a good time with the girls drinking your little wine spritzers and talking about dish soap and fabric softener. .”Little did he know what Ladies Night Out was all about. .”Oh yes, it’s Ladies Night and the feeling’s right. Oh yes it’s Ladies Night. .oh what a night!” I hummed the old Kool & The Gang song as I got ready in the bathroom. “If you hear any NOISE, it ain’t the boys, it’s LADIES NIGHT!”I kissed husband-head and promised not to be home later than 10 p.m.The “girls” on this particular evening included a mix of both married, divorced and single women and we were going to a club that was having a two-for-one drink special for Ladies Night.”Gimme a draw and a shot of Beam,” the first woman, a recent divorcee, ordered when the waiter came to our table.So much for the wine spritzers. .”Nice tushy,” another woman commented as the waiter walked away.The first noticeable difference between the single women and the married women was that the single women immediately put their cell phones on the table so they could see if they had any calls or messages.The married women, on the other hand, kept their phones hidden deep in the recesses of their purses on “OFF” so as not to be disturbed. .It wasn’t long before the conversation turned to dating, sex, marriage and, of course, men in general.”Sex, what’s THAT?” one woman commented dryly. “I think my husband has forgotten HOW. .””Well, if you’d get out of your flannel pajamas and put some makeup on now and then, it might help,” one of the single gals said smugly. “Now, I for one, always make sure to cook my guy a gourmet dinner and wear pretty lingerie.”The married women looked at each other and gagged.Just then, the woman on my right leaned over and nudged me.”Pssst. .over there, check it OUT!” she nodded with her head towards a group of men standing across the room. “Red Rover, Red Rover, send THAT one right over!”I glanced in the direction and immediately knew which one she was looking at.”What part of the gold band on your left hand don’t you think he’ll notice?” I suggested. “That is, if he isn’t wearing one himself. .”Meanwhile, a single girl, who had been quiet most of the evening, was nervously checking her cell phone while the divorced woman was working on her third round of drinks.”MEN. .,” she slurred. “You can’t live with ’em and you can’t shoot ’em. .”The rest of us ignored her.The single girl’s cell phone rang and she practically knocked her drink over to get it.”It’s him,” she said with relief, looking at the Caller ID. “But I’m not going to answer it.”Games single people play. .Hours later, after exhausting practically every topic known about men, we decided to call it a night and I noticed it was nearly midnight.When I got home, husband-head was already in bed as I slipped under the covers.”Sorry I’m late,” I apologized. “I forgot about the time.””S’okay,” he said sleepily. “It just means I’ve got a `get out of jail free card’ coming. .So, what’d you girls gab about?”I weighed whether or not to tell him the truth.”Oh, you know. .the usual stuff – dish soap and fabric softener. .”New Castle resident Heidi Rice’s column appears every Friday in the Post Independent. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.
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