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Married . WithOUT Children

In order to keep our marriage alive and interesting after nearly ten years of matrimony, husband-head and I often engage in playing little games to amuse and annoy each other to no end.

For instance, we’ll be stretched out on the couch watching TV. Nonchalantly, I will lay a foot on husband-head’s leg. .

“JABBY TOES!” he yells, pushing my foot away. “Your toenails are SHARP! They’re jabbing me in the leg!”



This, of course, makes it all that more fun as I begin to purposely poke at him with my feet. .

“Jabby Toes” has become an ongoing game that can also be played in bed. Naturally, the person who hasn’t trimmed their talons in awhile is always the winner. .



Another form of entertainment is to sing a song or mimic an advertising slogan repeatedly until the other person starts to resemble Jack Nicholson’s character in “The Shining.”

“Doo … doo-doo-doo-doooo … doo-doo-doo-doooo … doo-doo-doo-doooo … doooo,” I sang to the theme of “Free Willie” over and over again a few nights after we watched it.

“ALRIGHT, that’s enough,” husband-head warned after several repetitious refrains.

This only prompted me to do it at a louder decibel.

“DOO … DOO-DOO-DOO-DOOOO! DOO-DOO-DOO-DOOOO! DOO-DOO-DOO-DOOOO … DOOOO!” I continued.

In retaliation, he began to belt out “Lara’s Theme” from Dr. Zhivago.

“Some … where … my LOVE!” he sang in a really irritating falsetto. “La, la, la, la … la, laaaa …”

He obviously didn’t know the rest of the words. .

But the beauty of the games is that we don’t even have to be in the same room to share these meaningful moments.

“Can you hear me now?” I will yell from the kitchen into the living room, imitating the guy from the wireless phone commercial. “Good.”

“Can you hear me NOW?” I’ll continue from another room. “Good.”

Then I’ll move into the office way in the back of the house.

“CAN YOUR HEAR ME NOW?”

“STOP IT!” husband-head will interrupt, thoroughly annoyed.

“GOOD!” I smile to myself.

Mission accomplished.

Of course, there is always the “grab the gray” game which takes place while one person is talking and the other one is seeming to listen. In the midst of the conversation though, the listener will suddenly reach over and YANK a gray hair out of the other person’s head.

“OUCH!” husband-head screamed when I unexpectedly extracted a stray gray from his beard.

“Just trying to help. .” I said sweetly.

The best game of all, though, is highly effective if you want the other person to make a speedy exit from the room.

Typically, one of us will start the game during a lull in a TV program or a commercial break.

“Oh … PEW!” husband-head will suddenly say, pulling the neck of his T-shirt up over his nose, indicating that he has just passed wind. “That’s BAD!”

This, of course, makes me bolt from the room, not wanting to wait and see if, in fact, it’s real or not. .

However, if it IS the real deal, the perpetrator always blames it on the dog. .

This game is also fun to play in public places, such as in a crowded Wal-Mart store on a Saturday afternoon.

“Pewwwww!” I’ll whisper to husband-head, bored to tears after 20 minutes of standing in the automotive department.

With a look of shock and embarrassment on his face, husband-head will glance around and quickly move away, pretending he is not with me – just in case it’s the real deal. .

Who says married life has to get boring?

Now if I turn on the washer and do the dishes in hot water while husband-head is taking a shower. .

Heidi Rice’s column runs every Friday in the Post Independent.


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