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One single reason " or a few

April E. Clark
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Like a jealous husband calling his wife’s cell phone during girls’ night out, the U.S. Census can really spoil the fun of being thirtysomething and single.

Yes, it is fun to be thirtysomething and single, despite what most grandchild-less mothers nonchalantly tell their daughters.

On Thursday, the government agency released its first state-by-state analysis of median age at first marriage. Just when a girl needs another reminder that getting married is what normal people do in their 20s, not in their 30s ” or God forbid, their 40s.



The estimated median age for first-time nuptials in the U.S. is 26.7 for men and 25.1 for women. For Colorado, it’s 26.4 for the men and 24.4 for the women.

Huh?



I didn’t think men in Colorado could physically force themselves to say “I do” unless they’re being asked if they want another Budweiser.

Apparently the wedding-related “I do” reply is for men who don’t live in mountain towns ” and carnies, or guys who get shot out of cannons.

Surprisingly, Kentucky is not around 20 for men and 14 for girls (the average is actually 25.3 and 22.8, respectively).

I thought marriage required parental permission in that state.

For reasons outside of its bizarre alcohol laws, I’m glad I don’t live in Utah. The state ranked the lowest, at 23.9 for men and 21.9 for women.

I’ve heard Utah outlaws sex with anyone but a spouse. That wacky threat of eternal damnation can sure do wonders for the wedding industry.

That gives new meaning to “I do.”

I’m no heathen ” except when I’m in Vegas ” but I think being single and celibate is like owning a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos and living in Montana.

All these young people getting married in their 20s makes me want to move to Washington D.C. There, the estimated median age at first marriage is 30.1 for men and 29.9 for women. And married people comprise only 22 percent of households.

Now that’s more like it.

My friend Bryan, who recently moved to Colorado from D.C., compared the Capitol Hill singles scene to a college campus.

If it was anything like my college days, I’m moving tomorrow.

He said there are “a lot of hot girls and a lot of nerdy, student class-president types” who work hard and, most importantly, play hard.

Each summer a new batch of college interns, appropriately called “Skinterns” for the lack of professional clothing worn at both work and the bars, rush the Hill.

All work and no play makes for one unhappy politician. Ask Bill Clinton.

This week’s U.S. Census statistics may induce a little panic in some never-been-married thirtysomethings. But just remember what Chris Rock said in a recent HBO special; married people are bored and single people are lonely.

For some married couples, the cure for boredom is divorce.

For me, the loneliness antidote is as easy as a girls’ night out.

Even in her 20s, April E. Clark was never a Skintern. She can be reached at 945-8515 ext. 518 and aclark@postindependent.com.


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